Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Lost Seinfeld Episode

Sorry I haven't been around in a while, folks. Had to share this, though:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/offbase/060426

Monday, April 17, 2006

24 Recap - 4/17/06

Not a bad episode, I suppose, complete with a little Chloe/Mission Impossible stuff.

I REALLY wanted those shots Henderson fired to have hit Audrey. It would have been great.

What happened with Aaron Pierce's phone?

I hope Mike Novick never dies. He'll probably die next week, though.

Totally say Heller not accepting Jack's plan to make the recording public.

Can someone explain to me why no one made a recording of the recording, at least on their cell phone? You know, all cell phones have a voice memo feature. Crap.

Good parts: Audrey Raines bleeding (it was horrific, and got my hopes up), Chloe being sneaky and deceptive, no Curtis (!!!), Bill Buchanan helping out after leaving CTU--a la Tony (I miss Tony!), The Jack.

Bad parts: Audrey not dying, I have no interest in what's going on at CTU, 24 starting when it's light out (what the hell?!), no Michelle.

Predictions: Chloe and Bill help Jack to apprehend Henderson, Jack has to leave Audrey and she loses a lot of blood but doesn't pass out, Logan goes on the run.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 6

I'm taking a break after Season 6--I have Seasons 7-9, but I'll prolly wait until they come out on DVD to do the quote thing. Enjoy.

"As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a person could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game."

“Noreen’s not here. This is Dan.”

“Do your thing there, where you lie to everyone.”

“Well, I cashed the checks, the checks bounced, and now my nanna’s missing!”
“Well don’t look at me!”
“It’s your fault!”
“My fault? Your nanna is missing because she’s been passing those bum checks all over town, and she finally pissed off the wrong people!”

“Hey, it’s George. I got nothing to say.”

“What was a man in a cape doing with my father? What was my father doing with a man in a cape? Why a cape?”

“Mom and Pop’s plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years, and then run off with Jerry’s sneakers?”
“Apparently.”

“You know you have a newer, and a ma in front of it. Ma-newer. It’s not bad.”

“Well, come on, little princess. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas. Don’t be shy.”
“She doesn’t speak English.”
“Oh, Santa speaks the language of all children. A-norchy-worchy-dorchy-doo.”

“Hey, where can I put this?”
“What is it?”
“It’s Risk, Jerry. The game of world conquest.”

“Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle for world domination. It’s winner take all—people cannot be trusted.”
“Don’t look at me.”
“Oh, I’m lookin’ right at you, big daddy.”

“I think this is the same one I gave him—he recycled this gift. He’s a regifter!”

“Hey, do you know what the whip does?”
“What whip?”
“The whip—you know, in the Senate and the House.”
“Well, you know, in the old days when the senators didn’t vote the way the party leaders wanted them to, they whipped them: ‘You better vote the way we want you to or there’s gonna be big trouble.’”

“George likes his chicken spicy.”

“George is getting upset.”

“You know, I once went out with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.”

“Nobody can be in here for 48 hours? I got my parents in town.”
“Well, unless you want to kill ‘em, they can’t stay in here.”

“It’s fusilli Jerry!”

“Every proctology joke ends the same way: ‘It was a million-to-one shot, doc. Million-to-one.’”

“Well of course they’re trying to screw you. They can say anything—no one knows. ‘Yeah, you need a new Johnson rod in there.’”

“I’m headed to Houston. Where you headed?”
“Oh, I’m happy right here.”

“I will never understand people.”
“They’re the worst.”

“Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society? Because if you don’t want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don’t you just get in your car and move to the East Side.”

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Seinfeld Observation

Through the 3rd season of Seinfeld, Jerry says the following in a little boy's voice in exactly the same way, in completely separate episodes:

"I don’t want to be a pirate."
"I don’t want to be a cowboy."
"I don’t want to be Switzerland."

Monday, April 10, 2006

24 Recap - 4/10/06

Okay, some answers. And on the whole, I suppose I'll go along with them. I do think that Logan couldn't have gone through what he did earlier in the season knowing that he caused it all, though. He's too weak.

I hate Audrey.

On the whole, this was actually a pretty decent episode. I like the bank situation. And this quote was classic:
Jack: "How is he?"
Wayne: "He's dead."

There are too many musical themes and genres thrown together now. At one point we almost had a Kubrikian/The Shining thing going on with the synth. And then of course Mrs. Logan's psycho theme was reprised. And this weird helicopter-like sound when they were in the bank. Whatever.

Good parts: Evelyn's daughter with bloody hands (can you say Macbeth?), Chloe being cool, the Glenfiddich.

Bad parts: Stupid Homeland Security people, Henderson always driving somewhere but getting nowhere, no attractive females.

Predictions: Henderson tries to stop Jack from meeting with the Secretary of Defense and there is a firefight. Jack miraculously saves the day. I win Week 2 of my fantasy league.

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

With Catlike Agility

Let's briefly examine the phrase "with catlike agility."

I was watching the White Sox today, and one of the commentators (whom I abhor) said, "Man, Joe Crede really dove out for that ball with catlike agility." My main problem with this statement is that according to http://www.dictionary.com, to be agile means "characterized by quickness, lightness, and ease of movement; nimble."
My cats are not agile, by this definition. My cats can run fast, but they frequently lose their balance, slide around on smooth surfaces, and fall off of ledges. In other words, they are quick, but not graceful. Then again, this description really does describe Joe Crede, except for the quickness part.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Best Joke Ever










This is the best joke I have ever seen. From http://www.toothpastefordinner.com

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Some Random Questions from Southie

Why do we work five days a week? In Norway they only work four (or so I hear).

Seriously: what's the big draw of reality television?

Why do girls now wear those sweaters that only go halfway down to the waist? They look dumb.

Why don't more people drink martinis? They're so good.

What makes people with hair more attractive than those without?

How is it possible that people like the Yankees outside of New York? I mean, it's like a whole team on steroids.

Why do we have to pay for water?


Any and all answers appreciated.

Monday, April 03, 2006

24 Recap - 4/03/06

Gotta say, folks, that ending really got me. I really can't explain it. It just doesn't make sense to me, given what we've seen thus far this season. Maybe the President has a twin brother. Any ideas, please let me know.

Plot was just okay--the Eveline twist was pretty good at the beginning, but all the rest seemed to be filler to me (e.g., Jack and Wayne very slowly taking out the bad guys).

Not enough new hot girl in this one.

Does anyone else think that Audrey signing that statement just to get Chloe was needless? In seasons past Jack wouldn't need satellite; he'd take 'em all out himself, and he even had squimish Wayne along for the ride (and wasn't he itching to kill Sherry Palmer, or was I making that up?).

My best guess for the guy at the end was going to be Mike Novak. Damn, I'm still dumbfounded. What the fuck?

Finally, I saw a student today actually wearing a 24 shirt. What a nerd! (I must have one)

Good parts: Pretty good twists in this one, Jack slitting that guy's throat needlessly, the Glenfiddich.

Bad parts: I missed some baseball, Audrey's still on the show, we still don't know why there's such an importance in finding Henderson, no TonyMichelleKim, etc.

Predictions: We find out what the fuck is going on.

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On the Left Tip

Everyone stand up. Now, those of you who are conservative (if you still read my blog, that is), sit down.

Everyone else, check out the newest Asian businessman living in my dresser, On the Left Tip. You'll like it.

On second thought, conservatives, check it out, too. It'll piss you off.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Opening Day

...and baseball is upon us.

The first game, of course, is tonight--Chicago White Sox vs. Cleveland Indians. Should be a good one!

Our fantasy scoring starts tomorrow. I'm going to kick ass.

Actually, while I'm writing this post, I seriously just heard this from Jerry Seinfeld (he's sitting in my living room): "As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a person could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game."

Last night, I seriously had a dream that Nomar Garciaparra (one of my fantasy players) quit baseball. It was one of those dreams that you think it's true when you wake up. I was in tears.

Unrelated to the start of the season, but still quite relevant, I've started to read this book, Baseball and Philosophy. So far, it's really good. It's in the same series as Seinfeld and Philosophy, wherein philosophers write articles that apply philosophical ideas to the subject. Awesome stuff.

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 5

***Handpicked for Quality***


“What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?”
“Fake, fake, fake, fake.”

“I don’t believe this—this guy owes me big time! I got him off sugar!”

“I don’t know what to believe—you’re eatin’ onions, you’re spottin’ dimes—I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on!”

“Jerry, where’d you get that sweater?”
“Yeah, what do you think? I found it in the back of my closet.”
“I think that’s what the back of closets are for.”

“What’s today?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“Really? Feels like Tuesday.”
“Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.”
“I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.”
“Alright, shut up, the both of you.”

“Hmmm…that job sounds like it might be worth a year’s worth of free haircuts—and a comb!”

“No, 8 years isn’t such a long streak.”
“It isn’t?”
“No, I haven’t vomited in 13 years.”
“Get out!”
“Not since June 29th, 1980.”
“You remember the date?”
“Yes, because my previous vomit was also June 29th—1972. That’s why during the ’80 vomit I was yelling to George, ‘Can you believe it? I’m vomiting on June 29th again!’”

“I’ve never seen a beautiful lady reading The Guide so far away from the TV.” (Said by none other than Sam Lloyd—Ted of Scrubs fame! Who knew?!)

“What is this? A prophylactic wrapper?”

“Ah, you’re crazy.”
“Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?”
“Impossible!”
“Is it? Or is it so possible that you’re head is spinning like a top?”
“It can’t be!”
“Can it? Or is your entire world just crashing down around you?
“Alright, that’s enough.”
“Yeah!!!”

“Hey, do you believe I got Happy New Yeared today? It’s February.”
“I once got Happy New Yeared in March!”
“It’s disgusting.”
“It’s pathetic.”

“My wife has an inner-ear infection.”

“No, that’s very bad for the kidneys.”
”How do you know?”
“Medical journals.”
“Do the medical journals mention anything about standing in another man’s urine?”

“You’re living in the past, man. You’re hung up on some clown from the ‘60s, man!” (Said by Jon Faveau, as Eric the Clown!)

“It shrinks?”
“Like a frightened turtle.”
“Why does it shrink?”
“It just does.”
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”

“Elaine, bald men, with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.”

“Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle…Constanza?!”

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Friday, March 31, 2006

Two Things Not to Do in Chicago

Never go to a bar in Chicago and talk on a cell phone in front of other people. It only creates problems.
Also, don't get the beer on tap at the Billy Goat. Yucky.

Toons!

Got these from Pressing the Flesh. Go there for more of the same.


























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Thursday, March 30, 2006

Hair

As someone who is folicularly challenged, maybe I just don't know about this, but it seems to me that whenever people see a hair on something edible they inappropriately freak out. Am I wrong here, people? Can hair actually hold disease and illness? Isn't it just protein? I don't know. People react to it as if there's a finger in their potato salad. I could see if it were a long, crinkly hair with particles attached to it. But usually it's just a small, less than one inch hair, that more often than not comes from the freak-outer's own scalp.

Visit the Asian Businessman Living in My Dresser. Again, her site is cooler than mine, and if you're just starting out in the Land of Blog, you should definitely check it out for ideas.

Now D and I are off to the Land of Chicago. Yay!

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Teachers

Just watched the first episode of Teachers. I don't particularly know why I watched it--probably because they put it on directly after Scrubs. And it just started, and I said to myself, "I'm a teacher--maybe I'll like this show!" And perhaps I can log in my Professional Development file.

It wasn't good--but not nearly as bad as I was expecting. The writing was just a bit more clever than your average sitcom to make it stand out, but not so much that it will be picked up for another season. There were even some pretty nice Hamlet references.

It was "developed" by Matt Tarses, who also worked on Scrubs, and there are some definite Scrubs similarities throughout (e.g., white male lead with a bald black sidekick).

I'll prolly watch the rest of the shows, but I'm sure they'll cancel it unless it gets a plot/writing kick, but who knows.

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Spring Break

So far, despite my track record, Spring Break has actually been good. I've watched movies, read, caught up on some Seinfeld. That's right, folks, [gasp] I've been able to somewhat relax. The only bad thing has been my struggle to define my life purpose, but that's nothing new.

Monday, March 27, 2006

24 Recap - 3/27/06

The new girl's name is Shari Rothenberg, and DAMN is she CUTE. She's played by Kate Mara, the daughter in Brokeback Mountain. I don't care if she's psycho--she's damn hot.

Worst line in 24 ever: "I held on because I knew you'd come, Jack. I knew you'd come." Ugh. Gimme a break.

Have you guys noticed that they're doing less and less split screens? I LOVE the split screens. We want more! Not less!

I wish Audrey had died from something accidentally.

Dumb ending to this episode. It just kind of stopped. And since when was Henderson the primary target??? They were always trying to find Bierko and the nerve gas, and they happened upon Henderson along the way. He wasn't the mastermind, at least to the best of my knowledge.

Good parts: Cute new girl, Chloe still alive, torturing Audrey Raines, almost no President Logan, the Jameson.

Bad parts: Audrey not dying, story arc basically coming to an end, Tony, Michelle, and President Palmer still gone.

Predictions: An entirely new potential catastrophe is unmasked (that's an obvious one, though), STILL: the VP is behind all of this, Kim and Shari start making out, the ratings go through the roof, and the producers decide to make 24 into softcore porn. I'd watch it.

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Sunday, March 26, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 4

Again, I've tried to pick some of the lesser known, yet still hilarious, quotes:


“What’d they do for toilet paper in the Civil War? I wonder what toilet paper was like in the 1860’s. Did they carry it in rolls in their duffel bags?”

“You coach a gymnastics team in high school, and you’re married, and your son is not interested in gymnastics and you’re pushing him into gymnastics.”

“Oh, yeah, you better think again, Mojambo.”

“Listen, I got news for you. It’s nice to be involved with someone who’s interested in something other than Nick at Nite.”

“She kept saying, ‘Why, George, why?” I said, ‘Because it’s there.”

“More anything?”
“More everything!”

“It could be anybody—people down through history, reacting in traffic. Franklin Roosevelt: ‘Driver!’”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

“Did you say goiter? What goiter?”

“Phew. It’s like a sauna in here.”

“That’s like putting your whole mouth in the dip.”

“You know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts.”

“I got news for you: handicapped people, they don’t even want to park there. They want to be treated like everyone else. That’s why those spaces are always empty.”

“You know, I really think I’m falling for you, Jerry Seinfeld.”
“Oh, well, I really think I’m falling for you, Joseph Puglia.”

“Why do you have to pick your teeth at the table?” “Oh, leave me alone!”
“Yeah, I’m gonna get married real soon.”

“Again with the sweatpants?”
“What? I’m comfortable.”
“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’”


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Saturday, March 25, 2006

Peety Passion

My newest tenant seriously has one of the neatest blogs I've ever seen. She's got so many gadgets and cool things that it makes me think that my blog is crappy. But then I think, "Hey, Vandelay Industries rocks," and it's all better.

Regardless of whether you're scared that visiting this blog will make you think your blog is crappy, you should check out Peety Passion, the newest Asian Businessman Living in My Dresser. Click on the thumbnail on the right---->

PS--see if you can spot The Captain on Peety's plugboard.

The Patriot's Diet













Got this from Bring It On! Great site.

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Friday, March 24, 2006

Film Review: Yojimbo

Of all the Akira Kurasawa films I have seen, this one feels the most like a Western. Set in feudal Japan, Yojimbo is the story of a ronin samurai that happens upon a town that has been overrun by two rival gambling gangs. Having no money or belongings, he thinks it would be fun to clean out all of the corruption in this town. Whether he decides to do this as a matter of morality or otherwise is not made too clear in the film.

The Western parallels are certainly not coincidental--Yojimbo was directly adapted into A Fistful of Dollars by Sergio Leone (the first "spaghetti Western")--and many of Kurasawa's other films have been adapted as well. The scene is a dusty, windy town in the middle of nowhere, all the citizens are afraid, the audience can't really trust anyone, and the music alternates between serious and whimsical.

In a broader Kurasawa sense, I liked Seven Samurai and Rashomon better, and Hidden about the same, but for my money, there isn't much better than these films. Yojimbo is a classic film that has sparked a lot of the films of today. Watch it if you like good stuff.

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Various and Sundry

First of all, at the time of posting, you only have ONE HOUR LEFT to check out my tenant. Click on the thumbnail to the right!
Next week is Spring Break. I am seriously questioning whether or not I'll make it.

I'm averaging about 4 episodes of Seinfeld a day. It's like breathing.

For those interested (including Bone), here's my fantasy roster, before any adds, drops, or trades:

Rodriguez, Ivan
Giambi, Jason
Soriano, Alfonso
Rodriguez, Alex
Lopez, Felipe
Beltran, Carlos
Griffey, Ken
Ramirez, Manny
Garciaparra, Nomar
Buehrle, Mark
Duke, Zach
Hudson, Tim
Millwood, Kevin
Cordero, Francisco
Hoffman, Trevor
Rodriguez, Francisco
Molina, Bengie
Casey, Sean
Cano, Robinson
Baldelli, Rocco
Granderson, Curtis
Hermida, Jeremy
Rowand, Aaron
Young, Delmon
Kazmir, Scott
Sheets, Ben

Thankfully, the controversy around Soriano seems to be dying down.

It's my mom's birthday today!

I just saw "The Pick" episode of Seinfeld. Awesome.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Landlord Love

Currently crashing at three rockin' sites. Ya'll should visit.

JPEG .at. 11 is a site run by a 20 year old South African named Ibis. She's into photography and has a bunny fetish. Need I say more?

Rhandoko.com/ is a site about various and sundry things. The most recent post includes information regarding a new indoor ski resort in Dubai. Coolio.

Quarter Rest is an awesome blog by Jenn, who's pregnant. If you're looking for clever writing, look no further.

Monday, March 20, 2006

24 Recap - 3/20/06

So Tony's dead. They put a white sheet over him. =(

I've been checking out this site for a few weeks now, but I think it's time to get all of you in the mix as well. For the TRUE Tony fans, such as myself: http://www.almeidaisgod.com/.

Cool ending, though, what with Audrey Raines being the source and all. Not shocking, per se, but certainly intriguing. I'm honestly not sure which way it'll go--they haven't hinted at a bad side to Audrey at all to the best of my memory. If I had to bet, I'd say she did it. She's been around for a while now, and besides, I don't like her.

I'm getting sick of Curtis. Why does everyone like him? He's such a non-character. He has no personality. He's a tool.

I still can't believe how many longterm and midterm characters they're killing off in this season. Man.

I think that German dude is going to do psycho and try to screw over Jack. Then he and Jack will come under fire in some way and he will be forced to help Jack. Sorry, predictions come later...

Good parts: Jack asking the German guy, "Are we okay?" after the speakerphone conversation--it was soooo gay! The hot European chick. The intrigue with Wayne Palmer--I'm buying it so far. The Audrey Raines twist at the end. The Jameson.

Bad parts: Tony dying. President Logan still obviously being an idiot. Curtis living. Stupid Homeland Security people--what dumbasses!

Predictions: See above, and: the VP interrogates Wayne Palmer (he is DEFINITELY behind the shooting of his car!), the German guy comes back mad, Audrey goes to the dark side.

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 3

S
Handpicked with loving care by yours truly. Tried to go for some quotes that aren't heard as frequently. Enjoy.

"I'm going straight to hell. There's no way around it."
"Well, it might not be hell, but you're gonna run into some really bad dudes."

“These pretzels are making me thirsty!” (I know, I know--a little too popular, but I couldn't resist)

"Who put cookies in his mouth? You’re not supposed to do that."

"That’s Hennegan’s. No smell, no tell. Scotch."

"The male kangaroo doesn’t have a pouch; only the female has it. So the male has pouch envy. 'Why should she have this huge pouch, and I have nothing? I have things to carry, too. At least give me a pocket.'"

"You can’t break up with me! I’ve got hand!"
"And you’re gonna need it." (again, a little too cliche, but whatever)

"Hello? What Delay Industries? No, you’re way, way off—this is an apartment."

"And you want to be my latex salesman." (Had to use it.)

"What kind of hair…Is it flowing? I like flowing. Cascading hair. Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me…let me ask you this: if you stick your hand in the hair, is it easy to get it out?"

"I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you got problems."

"Up here, I’m already gone."

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The Day Has Arrived. And a Tag.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I threw up three times over the last 24 hours. Yes, today is my Fantasy Baseball draft.

I'm the commissioner for my league, so I'm very into all the rules, but I have NEVER prepared more for a draft than this year's draft. I've gone over my draft strategy, ranked all the players, and read the profiles of the players I'm not that familiar with. I seriously had dreams about baseball players last night.

So it's T-minus 5 hours to the draft, and I can't stand it. I'm currently watching Seinfeld drinking coffee. I'm shaking all over.


While you're here, visit my tenant and tell debbiecakes Vandelay Industries says hello.


I was tagged by Tricia. Woo-hoo!

The rules:
List seven songs you’re into right now. No matter the genre, whether [or not] they have words, or even if they’re any good, they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs, then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

The songs:
Beethoven - "Emperor" Piano Concerto
Beethoven - Pathetique, Movement 2
Erasure - A Little Respect
Barenaked Ladies - Break Your Heart
Peter Warlock - Capriol Suite (technically, these are 6 songs)
Coldplay - Fix You
Collective Soul - Run

So there you have it: 7 songs that I keep listening to. Do with this info what you will. I'm going to obsess over my draft some more.

Seven people tagged:
Tara
ndheathen
Lizzie
MappyB
Bone
Heather B.
Danielle

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Friday, March 17, 2006

Film Review: Broken Flowers

Broken Flowers is a film that fans of the art will definitely respect, but it's a film that isn't quite appropriate for mass consumption. It's extremely stylized, it's well-acted (especially by the lead, Bill Murray), and it gets you to think--these are all great things.

The problem is that Broken Flowers is too obvious where it should be nuanced, and too nuanced when it should be more obvious. For instance, Jim Jarmusch makes symbols obvious that only a film nut will care about, but the film nut will be frustrated at having these small things so obvious. Then he'll make something pretty integral to the film fairly obscure and hard to pick up on. This makes for some confusing film watching.

ALL of the transitions are fade to black, which gives the film a dream-like feel. This is aided by the fact that the audience is left in the dark for almost all of the movie, and certain pieces seemingly have no purpose. In a way, the film reminded me of Mulholland Dr., with its random, confused elements thrown together to tell a story, with a little About Schmidt sprinkled in for good measure.

Bottom line: if you enjoy the nuts and bolts of filmmaking and enjoy interpreting symbols, this flick is for you. If you're anyone else, you might want to take a pass.

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Seasons 1-2

So I've recently been practicing what I preach--I've started watching the entire Seinfeld cycle again. And it's SO refreshing. Seinfeld is such a part of my personality that it's like recharging my personality. Even in the early seasons, the shows are hilarious and still quite relevant. Here are some examples of hilarity and interesting facts from the early episodes:

"Trust me, George, no one wants to see you on caffeine."

The name Art Vandelay is first invented by George in the second episode, "The Stakeout."

Kramer's first trademark entrance occurs in episode three, "The Robbery."

"I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some sort of excuse Rolodex."

"I cannot envision any circumstance in which I’ll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How’s it gonna happen? I just don’t see how it could occur."

"Cartwright! Cartwright!"

"Hi George, I'm Raymond."

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Smile If You're Lying

We're in luck, Vandelay Industries fans...I have a new tenant, and in keeping with the long (2) line of great tenants, this one's theme is lying. What could be better? Smile If You're Lying's owner Deb enjoys awesome movies such as Run Lola Run and Rushmore and books such as The Catcher in the Rye and Of Mice and Men. Do yourself a favor and check out the site on the right sidebar.
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Tara: The theme for tomorrow is Junglewear. Good luck.
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I'm still grieving.
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The shampoo was a huge success. The ladies can't get enough of me.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I Bought Shampoo Today for the First Time in 3 ½ Years

I was at the grocery today and I was walking down the toiletry aisle. I happened to notice the shampoo bottles. Now, you have to understand that I haven't had any significant amount of hair since my junior year of college, so shampoo hasn't really been at the top of my grocery list for a while.

But something has changed now: for the past month or so, I haven't shaved my head. You see that picture in my profile? I don't look like that anymore--there's hair on my head now (not all over, but some hair nonetheless). I've just been using soap, but I think I'm ready to take it up a notch. I'm really excited for tomorrow morning.


24 Update
On a completely different subject, it was brought to my attention today at work that Tony might actually not be dead on 24 (I wore black today in mourning). I see this argument, and trust me, I hope it's right, but there's probably only a 10% chance in my book. I'm still devasted.

Monday, March 13, 2006

24 Recap - 3/13/06

God FUCKING dammit! NOOOOOOO. How can they do that?!? Shit. I can't BELIEVE that TONY died. AAAAHHHHHH! Apparently, I like Tony even more than Michelle, based on my reaction to their deaths. I literally yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the TV, startling my cats and most of my neighbors. Very shocking, very sad. They had best introduce some new, kickass character that's like some super Tony-Michelle hybrid. I'm pissed, if you can't tell.

Other brief observations:

Best Jack line in a while: "You alright?" "No."

Chloe: "I'm pretty good at getting information."

Lynn McGill went all George Mason on us. MUCH less shocked about this than Tony--this was foreseeable.

Kim is now a heartless bitch and until further notice I want her completely gone from the show.

This episode was really a stand-alone episode; very little happens outside of CTU (including the President's idiotic cowering).

Good parts: Jack's cool line (see above). There was nothing else good about this episode. Tony's death erases all goodness off the face of the earth. Even the Jameson tasted bitter. I hate my life.

Bad parts: Tony's death. Tony's death. Tony's death. Tony's death. Tony's death. Kim still living. Tony's death.

Predictions: Southie wallows in sorrow and depression and never watches 24 again. I'll miss you, Tony.


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20 Things I Don't Care About

I'm in a negative mood, so here's a list of things I don't care for and/or about:

1. American Idol
2. Hockey
3. Hockey fans
4. Dieting
5. The entire state of Kentucky
6. Trans fat
7. Love stories
8. Hardwood floors and granite countertops
9. Ipods (*gasp!*)
10. Any TV show with "Makeover" in the title
11. Oprah and all Oprah-related pursuits
12. Yachting/Golf/Polo/Any sport that only allows white people to play
13. Fear
14. Fear regarding terrorism
15. Fear regarding one's goal(s) in life
16. The GOP
17. NASCAR/Horseracing/Speedskating/Track/Cross-country/Any sort of racing
18. March Madness
19. Capitalism
20. Blind religious faith

If I haven't yet managed to offend you, come back tomorrow and I'll see what I can do.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

My Take on the World Baseball Classic

So today is actually the first day I've seen any of the World Baseball Classic, and, actually, I'm surprised at how much I'm into it. Granted, it might be the fact that I'm almost literally foaming at the mouth from baseball withdrawal or that I've been doing draft prep for my fantasy baseball draft for 9 of the last 48 hours, but these games sure feel real. Actually--and ESPN frequently points this out--it has an uncanny postseason feel to it. In March.

I caught the last half of the USA-Japan game, it was really a well-played game, full of hype, skill, drama, and controversy. The US (who I'm supposed to be for, I guess) won in the bottom of the 9th on a walk-off single from Alex Rodriguez, my very own keeper in fantasy baseball. I'm thinking of suggesting that I get his stats from the WBC. The controversy stems from an overturned sac fly RBI call, where Buck Martinez argued successfully that the runner at third left before the catch was made. The runner did not leave early, so Japan should have gone ahead at least 4-3 in the top of the 9th.

And right now I'm watching the Puerto Rico-Dominican Republic matchup--it's 3-1 in the top of the 6th, a very well-pitched game (Colon vs J Vasquez). And, again, these teams are good: competitive, emotional, and skilled.

The commentators are constantly pointing out the fact that all of teams are "really into it," but despite, perhaps, all the hype, I'm totally buying it. You know what this means, right? I'll probably be watching baseball daily well into August.

PS--Visit my tenant if you haven't already. Almost time for him to leave...


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Southie's Future Wife
















I know she's married with children and ten years older than me. Goddammit, I don't care.


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Saturday, March 11, 2006

The Vandelay Industries Button

I'm happy to announce that we here at Vandelay Industries have our very first button! I know, I know, it's very exciting--try to control yourself.

Here it is: Image hosted by Photobucket.com

If you enjoy visiting Southie's famous blog, please feel free to put the button on your own page. Also, The Captain (Southie's mascot) has his own button, which can be found here.

Tara: do this or I will never speak to you again.

How to install the Vandelay Industries button on your site:

1. Right-click on the button and "Save Picture As..." onto your desktop.

2. Sign up for a free account with an image hosting service such as Photobucket.

3. Upload the saved button into your online album.

4. After the upload is complete, you will see three fields below the image.

5. Copy the text from the "Tag" field, and paste it into your website template.

6. Replace "http://www.photobucket.com" with "http://latexsalesman.blogspot.com". Enjoy!

My Question for Mitch Hurwitz

So, supposing the Arrested Development being picked up by Showtime rumors are true, I've got a pretty important question for creator-producer Mitch Hurwitz.

Given that FOX is a television station that can be seen by millions and millions of little girls in pigtails, they must abide by the censorship laws put in place for TV stations that come with basic cable. Now, granted, FOX has been pushing this envelope with the best of them, but the fact of the matter is, shows like Arrested Development were never able to say the word "fuck" (beeping it out and covering the mouth of the character) or "cunt" (using instead a clever reference to "the Seaward") or show Tobias' sock-enshrined penis. The thing is, Arrested found such clever ways of getting around the censors that those methods themselves were the jokes have the time--and it was DAMN funny.

But if these rumors are true, Mitch Hurwitz, and you'll be moving your brilliant show to Showtime, whether these restrictions are much more lax, what will you do? Are we suddenly going to start hearing GOB's tirades about shaving his ------, bending you over and ------ in the -------? Because the fabric of the show would be fundamentally different. Would it be as funny? I don't know, but I don't think so. If more profanity is allowed on the show, the show would need to be taken in a different direction, and there are many out there who believe that anything Mitch Hurwitz produces would be dynamite, so that would work. And it might. But I miss my old Arrested, the clever allusions to female body parts, the topless girls that we can't see, and the characters who are real because they say "fuck" just like I do. My vote is that they not change a thing.


Other Arrested News:

It has been announced that Season 3 of Arrested is being released on DVD on June 13! Hoorah! Details here.

Tony Hale (Buster) is now a father for the first time. Congrats, Byron!

There is a fantastic post I've stumbled across on Arrested--it details the "25 Best Arrested Development Moments". Quite funny. Check it out here.

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Haunted House Dressing

I've got a new Asian businessman living in my dresser! This week's tenant is Haunted House Dressing, the official site of writer Jeremy C. Shipp, and let me tell you, it's a great site.

Haunted House Dressing is a zany potpourri of clever writing, pictures, and general witticisms. Loyal Vandelay Industries followers, check it out! Click on the thumbnail to the right.

Landlord Love

I'm crashing at three more sites. It seems I'm more popular on the blogosphere than in real life. You should definitely check these sites out, cause they rock.

Emily's Nutang: This site is the shit--run by a college student from Alabama. That's run, Bone, I said Alabama. She has a cat named Dr. Doom. And it doesn't hurt that she's totally hot.

Odd Planet: This site is odd. It has an appropriate name. Also, it's similar to Vandelay Industries in that there are random, pseudo-interesting things brought to your attention.

Mark Rogers, Super Guy: This is a Super Site from a Super Guy. And, more importantly, this was the site that first informed me that Arrested Development is being picked up by Showtime. What more can you ask for?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

100 Things

As the tradition on the blogosphere goes, to mark my 100th post, here are 100 things about me that you may or may not know.

1. My first car was a Mazda 626 named Tim.
2. I have read The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit at least six times.
3. I am right-handed.
4. My favorite author is James Joyce.
5. My least favorite chore is taking out the trash.
6. I have lived for a total of at least three weeks on four continents.
7. My favorite color is blue.
8. My favorite college team is Notre Dame, infinitesimally closely followed by Ohio State.
9. I have very little respect for golfers.
10. I am one-half Italian.
11. My favorite martini is an appletini.
12. I can quote from almost any Seinfeld episode.
13. I used to listen to country on a daily basis.
14. I hate country.
15. I have been on a horse exactly one time.
16. If I had to claim a favorite movie, it would be The Royal Tenenbaums.
17. I eat too much sometimes.
18. My best friend is an orchestra director.
19. I have never truly been content, at least for a significant amount of time.
20. My favorite sport is either football or baseball, depending on the season.
21. My favorite city is Rome.
22. I live five hours away from where I grew up.
23. I am a writer.
24. My favorite composer is Beethoven.
25. I like to stay up until 2 or 3am, but during the school year, I typically go to sleep around 9pm.
26. I have no problem whatsoever with homosexuality.
27. I have two cats, named Holden and Atticus.
28. I once fell 35 feet in a freak band camp incident.
29. I have very little hair, comparatively.
30. I am simultaneously scared of and in awe of big cities.
31. I once lived for 48 hours as a homeless person.
32. My favorite poem is "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
33. I wear contacts.
34. I am constantly afraid of losing the present--or forgetting past--so I catalogue everything and never throw anything away.
35. I miss college.
36. I believe in transcendentalism.
37. I have no strong feelings about my own death.
38. I hate very few things more than reality television.
39. There isn't much more beautiful than a baby.
40. I am an Eagle Scout.
41. I relate very much to JD from Scrubs in that I constantly am metathinking about my life.
42. I always drink whisky--preferably Jameson--while I watch 24.
43. I have truly been in love once.
44. I believe that pages 116-117 of The Great Gatsby are the most important in the entire novel (in the Scribner 2004 edition).
45. I relate to Holden Caulfield more than any other character in any book or film.
46. I miss not having any responsibility, but that's only because I take it so seriously.
47. If I could live two lives at once, I'd try to be a director in Hollywood.
48. I don't exercise enough.
49. Few people see the real me, even though I'm a fairly open person.
50. I enjoy gardening, but I don't currently have a garden.
51. I have a genetic predisposition to addiction.
52. I have been to two Jimmy Buffett concerts.
53. My last three pairs of shoes have been Sperry Topsiders.
54. I was obsessed with The Beatles in middle school.
55. I'm subconsciously afraid of not being good enough.
56. I deeply respect with work of Joseph Campbell.
57. The thought of donuts, nacho cheese, and hot dogs makes me sick.
58. If I could have any superpower, it would be the ability to fly.
59. Gelato is the best thing I have ever eaten, no question.
60. My first favorite book was Beverly Cleary's The Mouse and the Motorcycle. I still read it sometimes.
61. I was born legally blind in my right eye, but it's all good now.
62. I enjoy a good cup of coffee.
63. I have brown eyes.
64. Sometimes I have trouble getting to sleep.
65. I never learned how to blow a bubble with bubble gum.
66. I check the news from three websites multiple times per day.
67. I am one of the founding members of the Pie Championship Series.
68. The sound of the dryer running calms me.
69. I am fascinated by shiny and/or glass things.
70. Sometimes I just want to play with Legos.
71. I have never been to Seattle.
72. I hate grading papers. And I'm a teacher.
73. I never saw the third Matrix movie, and I'm not too worried about it.
74. I firmly believe that more people should visit this site.
75. I occasionally wonder how people can be extreme conservatives and still have a conscience. Honestly.
76. I am one of the few people who can claim that they have a personal mascot.
77. I grew up a Cincinnati Reds fan, but I'm currently considering being a full-fledged Cubs fan.
78. I'm a relativist.
79. I enjoy cooking.
80. Fantasy baseball gets me so excited sometimes I can't stand it.
81. I hate the number 3 with a passion.
82. I was in an a capella group in college.
83. I love rain.
84. I like to swim.
85. If I had a totem animal, it would be the kangaroo.
86. Woody Allen makes me laugh very hard. Sometimes I can't stop.
87. I'm unnaturally bad at making small talk with people I don't know.
88. I can memorize names and numbers very well.
89. I like to wear sport coats.
90. Clowns scare me a little.
91. The worst movie I have ever seen is Dead Man on Campus.
92. I can drive a stick-shift.
93. I plan a lot.
94. Flying in a plane doesn't bother me at all.
95. I don't like to be around a lot of people for a long time.
96. I love naps in the afternoon.
97. Capri is the most beautiful place I have ever been.
98. I know how to play handball--but don't.
99. Being around dogs makes me uncomfortable.
100. I have tried--and enjoyed--peanut butter and tomato sandwiches.

Monday, March 06, 2006

24 Recap - 3/06/06

***SPOILERS***

Noooooooo! Poor Edgar. Remember when his mom died? He handled that very well. I'll always remember him for his tubbiness and his awkward social skills. He and Chloe should have had awkward sex before he died. Poor Edgar.

Kim's back. I thought she would die in the nerve gas. If not her, then I thought Tony. Thank god Tony didn't die. I don't know if I could handle that. Kim's not as hot now, so I think it'll be okay when she dies. I'm almost positive she'll die this season. At least, I hope she does (very complex here: she's very hot, so I don't want her to go, but she can't act and has been much hotter before, so I want to remember her like that. Very complex).

I still miss Michelle. Do you think they'll bring her back?

At this point, President Logan is just stupid. Unless he does something to completely redeem himself, I'm not really buying any of his crap. (Let's invite the VP in have him suggest stupid stuff without being fully informed of the situation!)

Aaron Pierce and Mrs. Logan should get it on.

Jack should kill Kim's boyfriend. He's a tool.

Good parts: Jack shooting Henderson's wife in the leg (awesome!), Lynn's crack-whore sister being shot in the head, Chloe showing sadness, the Jameson.

Bad parts: Edgar dying, Kim coming back (overall), gratuitous shot of flags in the background while the camera follows Jack, occasional time speed-up, no Michelle.

Predictions: Jack beats it out of Henderson that the VP is in on all of the terrorist activity, Tony helps out in a heroic way, Kim dies somehow, Jack beats the shit out of her boyfriend, Lynn turns out to be a woman. Mark it.

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NEWS!!! and 24 Preview

Hear, Hear! Apparently Arrested Development has been picked up by Showtime with a two-year, 26 episode contract. Sources are reporting this here, here, and here. I'm going to be cautiously optimistic until we hear something a bit more concrete, but things are looking good. HOORAY!!!













In other news, Kim Bauer going to be on 24 tonight, and apparently someone is going to die that will change the face of CTU...mysterious!

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Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oscar Recap

Here are my jumbled, sleepy impressions of the Oscars:

I really liked the opening film characters monatge, at the very beginning.

The host montage was HILARIOUS--especially Billy Crystal and Chris Rock in the Brokeback Mountain tent.

Also, the gay western montage was great.

"Ben Stiller and His Amazing Green Unitard"

I found it ridiculously funny when they cut to Jack Nicholson during the Dolly Parton song.

Zach Braff was on the Oscars! Chicken Little Zach Braff! Yay!

In general, Jon Stewart was too clever for his audience, but he got into a rhythm later.

Apparently, Rachel Weisz is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. Why haven't I heard of this before?

The M. Night Shamalan commercial ROCKED. It was crazy.

I can't believe It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp won. Stupid.

I did like the lobbying parodies. They were funny.

Shocked that Crash won--I'll have to see it. And that Rachel Weisz is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. Glad that Ang Lee won.

I'm going to bed--to dream about Rachel Weisz.











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Why I Hate Golfers









So I took this picture a few moments ago, and it's emblematic of why I hate golfers: they're idiots. And don't get me wrong--they're not the lovable, you-messed-up-this-time-but-we'll-give-you-another-chance type of idiot--they're the I'm-going-to-do-what-I-want-when-I-want-and-fuck-anybody-who-gets-in-my-way idiots.

You may notice, if you look carefully at the photo, that there's a substantial amount of snow on the ground. You may also be aware that the typical golf ball is white. The color of snow.

It's just the fact that these rich WASPs play on these well-manicured, sprawling courses, usually tended to by minorities or young, future rich WASPs that gets me. It seems socially unfair that a bunch of old white men will shell out so much money to hit a ball around this idyllic landscape while people are literally starving to death.

Okay, this post got too serious. How bout this: HAHA, LOOK AT THE FUCKERS PLAYING GOLF IN THE SNOW!!! IDIOTS!!!

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Saturday, March 04, 2006

Film Review: The Motorcycle Diaries

A student lent The Motorcycle Diaries to me, and I'm glad he did. The basic premise/plotline is simple: two South American twenty-somethings decide to take a five month roadtrip before they are too old to do it anymore. As you can hopefully guess, however, the adventures become much more than this.

The main thing that stuck out to me is the simple beauty of the film. Director Walter Salles was very effectively able to show the natural elegance of the continent, while still making a poignant statement as to the very poor living conditions of many of the inhabitants. In an era when more money equals more spectacle, this movie puts them all to shame.

Another interesting--almost phantom in the film--is Ernesto Guevara de la Serna's gradual awakening to the injustices around him (as he eventually will become "Che" Guevara). It's a very organic, authentic transformation. I bought it.

I kept thinking of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, for those of you who've read it. And there are a number of similarities between the two, but they are rather different on the whole.

Of course, as only true art can do, I was spurred to do a few hours of research on Guevara and South America, which was quite interesting.

Highly recommended.

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

How to Become a Multimillionaire in Seven Easy Steps

1) Work in a fried chicken restaurant. Marry one of the cooks. Start amateur modeling.

2) After having at least one child with your cook husband, get a divorce. Get implants.

3) Forget the chicken job and the modeling and become a topless dancer. In Texas.

4) Get noticed by horny men. Sleep with enough of these horny men to eventually get into a nudie mag. And softcore porn.

5) Now here's the tough part: find a senile, near-death, billionaire horny man, and trick him into thinking you have a personality and a capacity for love. Marry him.

6) Kill him.

7) Viciously and cold-heartedly fight over your late husband's estate with your conniving, pretentious-name-bearing former stepson for seven years, culminating in making headlines as the sluttiest person ever to go before the Supreme Court. Win.

Done and done.

Monday, February 27, 2006

God, I wish I were Jewish

Let me tell you something: I LOVE the Jewish people. I know, I know--technically this is a stereotype, but it's a good stereotype, so I'll continue.

When I think of my top five favorite television programs--Seinfeld, Scrubs, Arrested Development, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and 24--at least three of them prominently feature a Jewish main character (Jerry Seinfeld, Zach Braff, Larry David). Seinfeld also features Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jerry Stiller, Estelle Harris, while Curb includes Jeff Garlin, Susie Essman, Richard Lewis along with David. Arrested Development has Jeffrey Tambor, Jessica Walter, David Cross, each of which is indispensible to the show (or WAS!), as well as creator Mitchell Hurwitz. Actually, upon further digging, the second second assistant director for 24 is named Mark Rabinowitz, which I'm assuming is Jewish, as well as the recurring characters (for a while, at least) of Jonathan Ahdout, Sara Gilbert, and Mia Kirshner.

Is this a coinicidence? No, it's not. There's just something about the Jewish sense of humor that does it for me. These people are FUNNY, like no other. They're always "making observations" in a self-deprecating, there's-no-way-we'll-ever-find-out-the-answer-but-I'll-ask-anyway sort of way. I LOVE it.

I always think of that old Jewish guy in "The Pez Dispenser" episode of Seinfeld. At first he says: "Sure, we used to [have interventions] when one of our polar bears stopped coming. We would go to his house and say, "'What, you don't want to be a polar bear anymore? It's too cold for you?'" I ALWAYS crack up at that. But then he tells his kangaroo joke: "The male kangaroo doesn't have a pouch, only the female has it. The male has pouch envy. I have things to carry too--at least give me a pocket." It's not much if you just read it, but this is possibly one of the funniest lines in all of Seinfeld if it's delivered properly. I suppose it's all in the timing.

You can't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. Without the Jewish sense of humor, I wouldn't watch television. Except for Skating with Celebrities.

24 Recap - 2/27/06

Just one question: why the fuck would Christopher cut the phone lines before he blew Jack up? It makes no sense. It's an obvious tip-off.

This episode had less Jack in it since I can remember. I don't like that. More Jack=better. Less Jack=worse.

Sean Astin had a great performance, as Lynn McGill is an idiot. But he's not done--remember the keycard.

I LOVED the fact that they referenced the previous seasons in this episode--Jack working in a sting operation at CTU! That hadn't been mentioned since the first season, right?

Remember that supposedly someone else in the administration knew of the terrorist plot. I can't remember where we learned this, though--couple episodes ago, I think.

Good parts: More Edgar! Whee! Curtis going all Section 112 on Lynn's ass, Jack devising a plan to avoid being blown up by a bomb, the Jameson.

Bad parts: The fucking praying--I bet that's what our president does when he faces a difficult decision, not much Jack, no Michelle.

Predictions: Jack tracks down that Christopher guy and it turns out that he never took dirty money from CTU--he was trying to be ethical, but he got burned; Lynn's keycard is used to breach CTU security, and Jack has to save everyone.

Landlord Love

I'm currently crashing at four different sites through Blog Explosion, and I want to give a little shout out to my esteemed landlords. Check out these sites (I wouldn't be renting there if I didn't think each rocked the house):

1) Haunted House Dressing A very cool writer's blog.

2) Green A blog all the way from England. ENGLAND, people!

3) macellaro.com In part of this guy's About Me section, he says: "I'm taller than you (6'6"... so unless you're a freak, that is)." Awesome.

4) Recommended This is a site devoted to sharing with you cool stuff the blogger has found whilst surfing the ole 'net. The latest one is something called Couch Surfing (I SO do this).


You have visited my own renter, haven't you, faithful Vandelay Industries fans? If not, you simply must. Do yourself a favor and go ahead and click on the thumbnail to the right.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Evil, Taunting Clowns

So yesterday Dana coerced me into going on a jog. A JOG. A jog, people. For those of you who don't know me personally, this isn't something I would normally do. My typical exercise consists pacing back and forth--wherever I am--for most of the day, worrying about something or other. Oh, and lifting some sort of bottle--let's not for get that.










The above picture was taken just as Dana and I were starting out. It was mighty cold, but we were bundled up, as you can see. Then, gradually (after about 3 minutes), I began to realize just how long it had been since I'd been jogging before. My heart starting beating more quickly, sweat began pouring down my face, my throat started burning, and I began to see grotesque, evil clowns taunting me. Dana, however, remained unphased. He was prancing all about, just happy to be out of his apartment--he reminded me of a puppy that had been kept indoors for too long.

We ran for hours and hours. I saw the sun slowly sink beyond the horizon (we had started jogging at about 11:00am). I think at this point we were somewhere in Wisconsin--we kept seeing cows and cheese by the road. At around 6:30pm, I turned to Dana and said I was ready to turn back. He just laughed and kept prancing, shaking his head.

I don't know what time it was, but we eventually reached the ocean. Then we saw some people with weird hats, then some gondolas. At some point we passed another ocean, and somehow I woke up in my own bed this morning. I hate jogging.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Nonsensical Flounderings

Well, folks, I have my very first tenants through Blog Explosion, and I'm happy to say that their site is quite a good read. Mik is from England, and his wife Carolyn is from the good ole USA, and they both live in Seattle.

Click the thumbnail link to their site on the right toolbar to see what all the fuss is about!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Film Review: Sideways

So I've seen Sideways twice now, and it's just amazing.* What stands out to me in particular is the editing. The cuts are SO intelligent--we, as viewers, are told the story with such craft--that it's as if it's an organic experience; like the grapes themselves.

The soundtrack is brilliant. The film has a lighthearted instrumental soundtrack, with just the right amount of dark, subtle sections in minor to accommodate the main character--while still preserving the overall adventurous tone of the film. Of course, one could argue that the film is really about dealing with the dark side of oneself, but on the surface, the music fits quite well with the tone of the film.

Why Paul Giamatti didn't win an Oscar is beyond me; perhaps his performance was too nuanced to catch serious consideration from the Academy. On a personal note, I couldn't help but draw constant parallels between his character and myself, which is rather depressing. He's an 8th grade English teacher, likes wine, is a writer, can't get over his past relationship, has a beard, is balding, sabotages his relationships, likes close friendships, ugh.

Virginia Madsen is HOT.

The director, Alexander Payne, has done another film that I adore: About Schmidt. His themes tend to revolve around characters who are supposedly past their prime, and their reactions to the situations life has put them in. Brilliant.

Overall, this film would probably be in my top ten, if I were inclined to rank movies--if only for the fact that I connected to this film so strongly on a personal level. I highly recommend this film to anyone who fits any of the following descriptions: likes wine, is stuck, can't move on, has little direction. Great movie.

*It should be noted that on each separate occasion I have viewed this film, I have consumed no less than an entire bottle of wine.

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Thursday, February 23, 2006

Post of Randomness - the more you can make sense of it, the more you understand me.

ineluctable modality of the visual life is a game boy, life is a game one plays by the rules unpack Tho' much is taken, much abides the trick is not minding that it hurts 2000 O Isis und Osiris John Ronald Ruel 1901 history is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake Banana Grabber ask her if she still keeps her kings in the back row March 25 Traumlicht et verbum caro factum est et habitavit in nobis September 22 Strider Strider revocate animos, maestumque timorem mittite: forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit isn't it rich are we a pair Punch March 22 Hvalite imya Gospodne Bloom for you there'll be no more crying, for you the sun will be shining Peter Lorre you're doing God's work 308 rosebud I'm okay with being unimpressive I sleep better I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul Dedalus sing a song Kim Bauer I'm going out to clean the pasture spring I'll only stop to rake the leaves away someday never comes here's looking at you, kid O Tennenbaum Beth TIM215 esteemed as asparagus 2004 let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun you don't have to talk at all if she can stand it, so can I once there was a way to get back homeward it's really breathtaking actually October 27 immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.

Southie's Note: There are 48 references to parts of my life in this post. How many can you get? Also--Tara has said that she can't see the gray background behind the text in my blog. Is anyone else having this problem?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Happy Frickin' Wednesday














I'm not going to say a damn thing about this picture, only that I once knew this man.

Monday, February 20, 2006

24 Recap - 2/20/06

How weird would it be to have the name Jack Bauer? Just thought of that.

Anyway, tonight's episode of 24 was much better than last week's. More shooting, intrigue, insubordination, etc. I like the idea of Mrs. Logan getting in the limo with the Russians, but having that be the cliffhanger? I don't know. I mean, we knew that would be next week's episode anyway.

Has anyone else noticed that in the editing they hurry a few seconds here and there? This is the first episode I've noticed it. Maybe I'm just being crazy-film-teacher guy.

Good parts: Seeing the pressure go down the chain of command (Logan-Lynn-Bill), Bill being held in custody as a result, Jack's phone/PDA being able to read any type of disk ever designed, the Jameson.

Bad parts: Lynn's crack-whore sister (enough already; make it a valid plot point or ditch it), Chloe and Edgar's lack of screen time (who doesn't like awkward ugly/fat people; seriously, I wish they were on more), lack of any hot female.

Predictions: Russian president narrowly misses assassination, all because of Jack; Lynn is held hostage at some point, and Bill is forced to take over; Kim and Michelle come back and start making out.

What's happening with Tony?????

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My Take on the Olympics

So I've been mulling this over for quite some time, and I think I've finally found a solution. Back in ancient times, it was important for nations to have skilled, physically trained citizens, incase they wanted to take over a neighboring nation or go hunting or something. But times have changed. If we want to take over a neighboring nation, we simply press a button and 3,000 nukes drop on them; if we want to go hunting, we just call anyone except for the Vice President. So how can we change the Olympics so that countries aren't wasting resources developing citizens who are good in the "rock throwing" or "elk skinning" events? Well, I'll tell you.

Instead of having an Olympics every few years involving "sports" that either no one cares about ("ice dancing") or has heard of ("ice dancing"), I propose having each country put these resources towards developing a few teams of scientists. Instead of events, these teams of scientists would work to cure various diseases. So, for example, you could have USA, RUS, AUS, and NED working to cure cancer in the Cancer event. The first team that finds the cure for cancer wins! NBC could still have the TV rights, and you'd have dramatic music playing while scientists are messing with beakers and writing stuff down, etc. It'd be just like reality television.

You see, with this method, even though one country wins the event, EVERYBODY wins! And no one has to waste resources on training skiers and dancers and whatnot, and we don't have to watch skiers and dancers and whatnot.

Possible Events in Southie's Olympics
1. Cancer
2. Avian Flu
3. Down's Syndrome
4. Baldness
5. Influenza
6. Stupidity
7. The Common Cold
8. Lupus
9. Women
10. Erectile Disfunction

Think of all the lives we could change!


PS--What do you think of the new layout?

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Friday, February 17, 2006

Mom and Pop Come for a Visit

I'm excited that my parents are coming in. Really, I am. I haven't seen them since Christmas, and I've missed them. So, we're taking advantage of the long weekend, and they're coming up from Ohio for a visit.

It's an interesting problem when your parents visit from two states away: what do you do with them? Growing up, I did what I imagine most kids did with their parents--we watched TV together. We just did our own thing, but together. But now that I only see my parents a few times a year, I always want to make the visits special, or at the very least interesting. We go out to eat a lot, and we usually end up going shopping at some point, but we always return to that traditional pastime of all families: sitting in front of the TV. It feels like it should be awkward, but it isn't. I feel like I should constantly be entertaining them on their visit, but I can't think of anything else to do with them except eat, shop, and watch TV. Hell, that's all I ever do.

But at the end of the day it always turns out that whatever we do together is just fine--seeing them and spending time with them is what it's all about, after all. Now if I can just stop myself from compulsively cleaning my apartment for hours before they visit...

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Rough Day

This day is so bad...




















...a little better.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Southie Needs YOUR Help!

So I'm a film snob--I admit it. I usually only deign to see movies that I KNOW are good, one way or another, beit through my innate sense of movie goodness (which is surprisingly accurate, actually), well-regarded friends, stunning trailers, online reviews, etc. But I do know that I am missing out on the whole other side of the movie-watching experience. We're talking just pure entertainment--not analysis, overanalysis, predictions, prepredictions. I need to watch more movies that are just downright FUN.

So, here's YOUR task: what movies have you seen that are plain fun to watch? They could be from your childhood, from last year, from your secret life as an undercover lounge singer--I don't care. I just want your advice on some fun movies to watch.

Comments, please.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day!

Two things that are stupid about Valentine's Day:

1. People saying "Happy Valentine's Day" to just anyone
At work today, I was bombarded by "Happy Valentine's Day"s from nearly all corners. I even had a 60+ year old man tell me to have a nice Valentine's Day. While I certainly appreciate the sentiment--that they want me to enjoy the day and not wallow in the sorry that is being single on Valentine's Day--I think that you should only say "Happy Valentine's Day" to someone you love, and hopefully romantically love. It's just confusing for me when so many different types of people are telling me to enjoy a romantic holiday, when the only love I have in my life is from two cats whose shit I clean up and my parents (not to take away from either the cats or the parents, of course).

2. The Female Emphasis
Granted, I have nothing specific to bitch about regarding this point, merely some observations. It seems to me that Valentine's Day has become (has always been?) more about the female than the male. This morning on NPR I heard that the average male spends $130 on his significant other, whereas the average female spends only half that. I know, I know, it's very easy for you girls to make pseudo-feminist jokes about that's the way it should be and we deserve it and all that, but seriously, if this is supposed to be a day celebrating the relationship between two people, it should be a day celebrating the relationship between two equal people.









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Damn you, Weather!

This may sound weird to the non-Midwesterners (hell, it might sound weird to some Midwesterners), but I hate the weather right now. In particular, I hate the fact that it's over 50 degrees in mid-February. In February, it's SUPPOSED to be 30 or below. That's just the way it's supposed to be. Anything else is unnatural. Don't get me wrong; I like warm weather in May and June just as much as the next guy. Spring rocks. But it's not Spring--it's still Winter, and in Winter it's supposed to be cold and there's supposed to be snow. But no, there are golfers outside my apartment, and I swear I saw someone with an inflatable duck-shaped life preserver on the way home from work.

I won't go into global warming or Bush destroying the environment or anything like that in this post--we'll just keep it nice and tidy with the fact that things are all messed up here. If this keeps up, I'll start to feel like Spring really IS here, then I'll be excited, then Winter will come back, then I'll be sad. I'm bipolar enough as it is; I don't need the weather to help.

Monday, February 13, 2006

24 Recap - 2/13/06

The only thing keeping me from completely hating President Logan is that he looks almost exactly like Kevin Spacey.

I miss President Palmer.

I thought Kim would be in this episode. When she does come back, I hope that they've cloned her, and that her clone is a much better actress than she is.

Mrs. Logan is dumb. I hope she dies. But if she does die, it'll be tragic; she'll be a misunderstood martyr. She should inhale the gas from the canisters.

I miss Michelle. Now SHE was good. Man.

This was an average episode. Nothing too intense.

Bad parts: Jack wistfully watching a loosed balloon float to the ceiling of the mall. Jack miraculously saving a little girl's life with a shot of something. Mike Novak starting to be seen as a bad guy (did he kill Cummings?).

Good parts: The black guy saying, "it's about time." Remembering Michelle. The Jameson.






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Huntsman of the Year





















Huntsman of the Year

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Sunday, February 12, 2006

A Long-Lost Friend

When I was in Australia I became addicted to a popular wine there: the brand is called Houghton, and the varietal called White Burgundy.

I haven't been able to find it in America, and this deeply saddens me. I had an intense emotional relationship with that wine while I was overseas, and it was a part of me. But, alas! It was not to be.

On the Houghton website, however, I recently learned that the brand is actually distributed by an importer in California, and, according to the distributor's website, "Houghton wines are distributed nationwide. Houghton is available where wines and spirits are available. If your favorite retailer does not currently carry Houghton, we recommend you inquire with the store manager. They should be able to place an order for you with the local distributor." So there may be hope after all... I don't suppose anyone has ever had this wine?

On a side note, I also read on Houghton's website that they have changed the name "White Burgundy" to "White Classic" because some French idiots didn't want people using there region as a name for wine unless it actually came from there. Jerks.

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Saturday, February 11, 2006

New The Captain Post!

In a shocking change of events, The Captain has a new post on his site. Check it out.

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My Word Cloud











This rocks. Got it here and found the link for it here.

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