Monday, February 20, 2006

My Take on the Olympics

So I've been mulling this over for quite some time, and I think I've finally found a solution. Back in ancient times, it was important for nations to have skilled, physically trained citizens, incase they wanted to take over a neighboring nation or go hunting or something. But times have changed. If we want to take over a neighboring nation, we simply press a button and 3,000 nukes drop on them; if we want to go hunting, we just call anyone except for the Vice President. So how can we change the Olympics so that countries aren't wasting resources developing citizens who are good in the "rock throwing" or "elk skinning" events? Well, I'll tell you.

Instead of having an Olympics every few years involving "sports" that either no one cares about ("ice dancing") or has heard of ("ice dancing"), I propose having each country put these resources towards developing a few teams of scientists. Instead of events, these teams of scientists would work to cure various diseases. So, for example, you could have USA, RUS, AUS, and NED working to cure cancer in the Cancer event. The first team that finds the cure for cancer wins! NBC could still have the TV rights, and you'd have dramatic music playing while scientists are messing with beakers and writing stuff down, etc. It'd be just like reality television.

You see, with this method, even though one country wins the event, EVERYBODY wins! And no one has to waste resources on training skiers and dancers and whatnot, and we don't have to watch skiers and dancers and whatnot.

Possible Events in Southie's Olympics
1. Cancer
2. Avian Flu
3. Down's Syndrome
4. Baldness
5. Influenza
6. Stupidity
7. The Common Cold
8. Lupus
9. Women
10. Erectile Disfunction

Think of all the lives we could change!

PS--What do you think of the new layout?

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Mappy B said...

Well, your love of pop culture is apparent! :) I like this new layout better than the old one!
How is your blog worth $2g's?! Details!!! I want my blog to be worth something...

Lisa said...

I think Women as a disease has to be one of the greatest moments in Olympic history.

Layout's good. Some great moments are captured there. It's always nice to see an Analrapist who takes his job as an understudy for the Blue Man Group so seriously. And you've reminded me that I need to watch The Royal Tennenbaums again.

Also, my blog is supposedly worth like $50 Gs, but I assumed that didn't really mean anything. If I can use that as equity to start a small business, let me know. :)

Esbee said...

I like the new layout!

(It's Down Syndrome, not Down's.)

Bone said...

Would there be a bunsen burner involved in anyway? If so, I'm all for it.

No, I got it. That could be the torch!

kathie said...

I'm with ya on pushing the cures for diseases, but have you seen a scientist work???? Maybe if they did so in sequined outfits and spandex pants...