Saturday, April 01, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 5

***Handpicked for Quality***

“What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?”
“Fake, fake, fake, fake.”

“I don’t believe this—this guy owes me big time! I got him off sugar!”

“I don’t know what to believe—you’re eatin’ onions, you’re spottin’ dimes—I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on!”

“Jerry, where’d you get that sweater?”
“Yeah, what do you think? I found it in the back of my closet.”
“I think that’s what the back of closets are for.”

“What’s today?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“Really? Feels like Tuesday.”
“Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.”
“I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.”
“Alright, shut up, the both of you.”

“Hmmm…that job sounds like it might be worth a year’s worth of free haircuts—and a comb!”

“No, 8 years isn’t such a long streak.”
“It isn’t?”
“No, I haven’t vomited in 13 years.”
“Get out!”
“Not since June 29th, 1980.”
“You remember the date?”
“Yes, because my previous vomit was also June 29th—1972. That’s why during the ’80 vomit I was yelling to George, ‘Can you believe it? I’m vomiting on June 29th again!’”

“I’ve never seen a beautiful lady reading The Guide so far away from the TV.” (Said by none other than Sam Lloyd—Ted of Scrubs fame! Who knew?!)

“What is this? A prophylactic wrapper?”

“Ah, you’re crazy.”
“Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?”
“Is it? Or is it so possible that you’re head is spinning like a top?”
“It can’t be!”
“Can it? Or is your entire world just crashing down around you?
“Alright, that’s enough.”

“Hey, do you believe I got Happy New Yeared today? It’s February.”
“I once got Happy New Yeared in March!”
“It’s disgusting.”
“It’s pathetic.”

“My wife has an inner-ear infection.”

“No, that’s very bad for the kidneys.”
”How do you know?”
“Medical journals.”
“Do the medical journals mention anything about standing in another man’s urine?”

“You’re living in the past, man. You’re hung up on some clown from the ‘60s, man!” (Said by Jon Faveau, as Eric the Clown!)

“It shrinks?”
“Like a frightened turtle.”
“Why does it shrink?”
“It just does.”
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”

“Elaine, bald men, with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.”

“Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle…Constanza?!”

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Sue Ellen Mischke said...

The 'bald men with no jobs etc...' thing is hilarious! That's one of my favorite episodes ever. I use that "opposite" philosophy in my own life. I also love that "fake fake fake fake" scene so much. That's one of the great Elaine moment. "He took it out" is a great one, too. Is it bad that I can picture every single one of these moments in my mind? I think I'm asking the wrong person. Which season is it in where Jerry compares breaking up to knocking over a coke machine? That's a brilliant line. Brilliant. I've been trying to knock over a coke machine for, like, 2 years now.

By the way, Esbee invited me to be on Wordaholism! I feel so honored! Check it out.

Southie said...

Agreed about the fake fake fake fake being one of Elaine's greatest moments--it's one of the first truly "Elaine" moments in the series.

I think the coke thing is from the car dealership ep. Classic. What do you mean you've been trying to knock over a machine for 2 years? I thought things were going well?

Congrats on Wordaholism! It's a neato site.

Bone said...

I love the Eric the Clown line. That whole episode is great. With George knocking the women and children out of the way.

Didn't realize The Barber was a Season 5 ep. Feels more like a 6 or 7.

Was just quoting the Ruth, Gehrig, Dimaggio line to someone the other day.