Kindle for the Blind?

This isn't a mystery: I will never, ever own a Kindle. I view the Kindle as one of the clearest signs of the impending apocalypse. But I have read in a few places (including the Publisher’s Weekly newsletter from April 7^th) about the debate regarding the Kindle’s text-to-speech function—and I take a perverse pleasure in seeing Amazon’s devil tool in a bit of controversy. At issue is the Kindle’s innate ability to read the text displayed on the screen. Why is this a big deal? Because if people can hear the books read to them on the Kindle, the thinking goes, then people won’t buy audiobooks. Fewer people buying audiobooks means fewer dollars in the bank. The Authors Guild is the group not happy about the audio function, and justifiably, the National Federation of the Blind are on the side of the text-to-speak ability. Personally, I see both sides of the argument, but I tend to side with the consumer in matters such as these. But as long as the Kindle is in the middle of any sort of mess, I’m happy.

Do Not Buy the Kindle 2.

My friends, we stand on the brink of change. But not the kind of change that's being bandied about in Op-Ed pages or in the few pieces left jingling in people's pockets. No, alas, not that kind of change at all. Evil change. A change that will try to devour us without our even knowing it. A change for the worse.

I'm speaking, of course, about the Kindle 2, Amazon's second-generation e-book reader that has the tech pages aflutter with pictures of flat, eggshell-white blandness that promises to change the world. Even Oprah's on board. You download your e-books from the Kindle store, just like you download your music from the iTunes store, and off you go, reading Dorian Gray one minute and switching to the New York Times headlines the next.

I say no. I say NO. Leave our books alone, Amazon. Up until now I've respected you as a company, what with your free shipping on orders over $25 and your generous offer to let me buy both The Dark Knight and espresso beans at two in the morning. But enough is enough. You may not take my books from me.

I know what you're thinking. Hey, it's just a niche market. It's only for people who want the convenience of reading the newest novel or newspapers without having to carry around a bunch of different books or having to store all those books, useless once read, in dark, imposing bookshelves in the back room of your tastefully decorated home.

It may be that way now, Amazon, but with Sony's e-book reader gearing up to offer some stiff competition and other companies waiting in the wings, I see which way the tide is turning. But it's not too late to turn back now.

You must sell thousands and thousands of books every day. Don't you feel even a little loss when you're forced to send off one of those books, packing them lovingly in those smiling boxes? Wouldn't you rather just keep them, to show off to your friends and neighbors? I would, Amazon, and I think you would, too.

And I can guarantee you, Amazon, that no matter how bad things get--NO MATTER--I will NOT be showing my friends and neighbors my list of e-books that I've downloaded on my damn Kindle.

You know why, Amazon? Because I would rather the seething ghost of James Joyce come back from his rotting grave and tear off my flesh with his ethereal fingernails than succumb to the shame of having digital books. I would rather Jane Austen's zombified corpse slice open my head with a steak knife and feast upon my still-living brains. I would rather Mark Twain load a six shooter with the agonies of the entire world and shoot it directly into my heart...

Well, you get the idea.

CES and Macworld Comes to an End

Those not inclined to follow tech news might not be aware that CES and Macworld 2009 has come to a close--or have even heard of them. For the uninitiated, these conventions bring together the top electronics producers around the world to show off their cutting-edge wares. What gets tech nerds excited about these events is the fact that the companies usually announce their new product lines--and bring in and show off prototypes.

There are any number of tech blogs that have already provided extensive coverage throughout the week, but I'm partial to Gizmodo, myself. Do a tag search for "ces" and you'll find more coverage than you can handle.

If you're the lazy type, and I'm betting you are, you can just follow this link to a summary of the major announcements, provided by Gizmodo's sister site, Lifehacker.