Friday, March 31, 2006

Two Things Not to Do in Chicago

Never go to a bar in Chicago and talk on a cell phone in front of other people. It only creates problems.
Also, don't get the beer on tap at the Billy Goat. Yucky.

Toons!

Got these from Pressing the Flesh. Go there for more of the same.


























Technorati Tag:

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Hair

As someone who is folicularly challenged, maybe I just don't know about this, but it seems to me that whenever people see a hair on something edible they inappropriately freak out. Am I wrong here, people? Can hair actually hold disease and illness? Isn't it just protein? I don't know. People react to it as if there's a finger in their potato salad. I could see if it were a long, crinkly hair with particles attached to it. But usually it's just a small, less than one inch hair, that more often than not comes from the freak-outer's own scalp.

Visit the Asian Businessman Living in My Dresser. Again, her site is cooler than mine, and if you're just starting out in the Land of Blog, you should definitely check it out for ideas.

Now D and I are off to the Land of Chicago. Yay!

Technorati Tags:

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Teachers

Just watched the first episode of Teachers. I don't particularly know why I watched it--probably because they put it on directly after Scrubs. And it just started, and I said to myself, "I'm a teacher--maybe I'll like this show!" And perhaps I can log in my Professional Development file.

It wasn't good--but not nearly as bad as I was expecting. The writing was just a bit more clever than your average sitcom to make it stand out, but not so much that it will be picked up for another season. There were even some pretty nice Hamlet references.

It was "developed" by Matt Tarses, who also worked on Scrubs, and there are some definite Scrubs similarities throughout (e.g., white male lead with a bald black sidekick).

I'll prolly watch the rest of the shows, but I'm sure they'll cancel it unless it gets a plot/writing kick, but who knows.

Technorati Tags: ,

Spring Break

So far, despite my track record, Spring Break has actually been good. I've watched movies, read, caught up on some Seinfeld. That's right, folks, [gasp] I've been able to somewhat relax. The only bad thing has been my struggle to define my life purpose, but that's nothing new.

Monday, March 27, 2006

24 Recap - 3/27/06

The new girl's name is Shari Rothenberg, and DAMN is she CUTE. She's played by Kate Mara, the daughter in Brokeback Mountain. I don't care if she's psycho--she's damn hot.

Worst line in 24 ever: "I held on because I knew you'd come, Jack. I knew you'd come." Ugh. Gimme a break.

Have you guys noticed that they're doing less and less split screens? I LOVE the split screens. We want more! Not less!

I wish Audrey had died from something accidentally.

Dumb ending to this episode. It just kind of stopped. And since when was Henderson the primary target??? They were always trying to find Bierko and the nerve gas, and they happened upon Henderson along the way. He wasn't the mastermind, at least to the best of my knowledge.

Good parts: Cute new girl, Chloe still alive, torturing Audrey Raines, almost no President Logan, the Jameson.

Bad parts: Audrey not dying, story arc basically coming to an end, Tony, Michelle, and President Palmer still gone.

Predictions: An entirely new potential catastrophe is unmasked (that's an obvious one, though), STILL: the VP is behind all of this, Kim and Shari start making out, the ratings go through the roof, and the producers decide to make 24 into softcore porn. I'd watch it.

Technorati Tag:

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 4

Again, I've tried to pick some of the lesser known, yet still hilarious, quotes:


“What’d they do for toilet paper in the Civil War? I wonder what toilet paper was like in the 1860’s. Did they carry it in rolls in their duffel bags?”

“You coach a gymnastics team in high school, and you’re married, and your son is not interested in gymnastics and you’re pushing him into gymnastics.”

“Oh, yeah, you better think again, Mojambo.”

“Listen, I got news for you. It’s nice to be involved with someone who’s interested in something other than Nick at Nite.”

“She kept saying, ‘Why, George, why?” I said, ‘Because it’s there.”

“More anything?”
“More everything!”

“It could be anybody—people down through history, reacting in traffic. Franklin Roosevelt: ‘Driver!’”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

“Did you say goiter? What goiter?”

“Phew. It’s like a sauna in here.”

“That’s like putting your whole mouth in the dip.”

“You know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts.”

“I got news for you: handicapped people, they don’t even want to park there. They want to be treated like everyone else. That’s why those spaces are always empty.”

“You know, I really think I’m falling for you, Jerry Seinfeld.”
“Oh, well, I really think I’m falling for you, Joseph Puglia.”

“Why do you have to pick your teeth at the table?” “Oh, leave me alone!”
“Yeah, I’m gonna get married real soon.”

“Again with the sweatpants?”
“What? I’m comfortable.”
“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’”


Technorati Tag:

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Peety Passion

My newest tenant seriously has one of the neatest blogs I've ever seen. She's got so many gadgets and cool things that it makes me think that my blog is crappy. But then I think, "Hey, Vandelay Industries rocks," and it's all better.

Regardless of whether you're scared that visiting this blog will make you think your blog is crappy, you should check out Peety Passion, the newest Asian Businessman Living in My Dresser. Click on the thumbnail on the right---->

PS--see if you can spot The Captain on Peety's plugboard.

The Patriot's Diet













Got this from Bring It On! Great site.

Technorati Tags: ,

Friday, March 24, 2006

Film Review: Yojimbo

Of all the Akira Kurasawa films I have seen, this one feels the most like a Western. Set in feudal Japan, Yojimbo is the story of a ronin samurai that happens upon a town that has been overrun by two rival gambling gangs. Having no money or belongings, he thinks it would be fun to clean out all of the corruption in this town. Whether he decides to do this as a matter of morality or otherwise is not made too clear in the film.

The Western parallels are certainly not coincidental--Yojimbo was directly adapted into A Fistful of Dollars by Sergio Leone (the first "spaghetti Western")--and many of Kurasawa's other films have been adapted as well. The scene is a dusty, windy town in the middle of nowhere, all the citizens are afraid, the audience can't really trust anyone, and the music alternates between serious and whimsical.

In a broader Kurasawa sense, I liked Seven Samurai and Rashomon better, and Hidden about the same, but for my money, there isn't much better than these films. Yojimbo is a classic film that has sparked a lot of the films of today. Watch it if you like good stuff.

Technorati Tags: ,

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Various and Sundry

First of all, at the time of posting, you only have ONE HOUR LEFT to check out my tenant. Click on the thumbnail to the right!
Next week is Spring Break. I am seriously questioning whether or not I'll make it.

I'm averaging about 4 episodes of Seinfeld a day. It's like breathing.

For those interested (including Bone), here's my fantasy roster, before any adds, drops, or trades:

Rodriguez, Ivan
Giambi, Jason
Soriano, Alfonso
Rodriguez, Alex
Lopez, Felipe
Beltran, Carlos
Griffey, Ken
Ramirez, Manny
Garciaparra, Nomar
Buehrle, Mark
Duke, Zach
Hudson, Tim
Millwood, Kevin
Cordero, Francisco
Hoffman, Trevor
Rodriguez, Francisco
Molina, Bengie
Casey, Sean
Cano, Robinson
Baldelli, Rocco
Granderson, Curtis
Hermida, Jeremy
Rowand, Aaron
Young, Delmon
Kazmir, Scott
Sheets, Ben

Thankfully, the controversy around Soriano seems to be dying down.

It's my mom's birthday today!

I just saw "The Pick" episode of Seinfeld. Awesome.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Landlord Love

Currently crashing at three rockin' sites. Ya'll should visit.

JPEG .at. 11 is a site run by a 20 year old South African named Ibis. She's into photography and has a bunny fetish. Need I say more?

Rhandoko.com/ is a site about various and sundry things. The most recent post includes information regarding a new indoor ski resort in Dubai. Coolio.

Quarter Rest is an awesome blog by Jenn, who's pregnant. If you're looking for clever writing, look no further.

Monday, March 20, 2006

24 Recap - 3/20/06

So Tony's dead. They put a white sheet over him. =(

I've been checking out this site for a few weeks now, but I think it's time to get all of you in the mix as well. For the TRUE Tony fans, such as myself: http://www.almeidaisgod.com/.

Cool ending, though, what with Audrey Raines being the source and all. Not shocking, per se, but certainly intriguing. I'm honestly not sure which way it'll go--they haven't hinted at a bad side to Audrey at all to the best of my memory. If I had to bet, I'd say she did it. She's been around for a while now, and besides, I don't like her.

I'm getting sick of Curtis. Why does everyone like him? He's such a non-character. He has no personality. He's a tool.

I still can't believe how many longterm and midterm characters they're killing off in this season. Man.

I think that German dude is going to do psycho and try to screw over Jack. Then he and Jack will come under fire in some way and he will be forced to help Jack. Sorry, predictions come later...

Good parts: Jack asking the German guy, "Are we okay?" after the speakerphone conversation--it was soooo gay! The hot European chick. The intrigue with Wayne Palmer--I'm buying it so far. The Audrey Raines twist at the end. The Jameson.

Bad parts: Tony dying. President Logan still obviously being an idiot. Curtis living. Stupid Homeland Security people--what dumbasses!

Predictions: See above, and: the VP interrogates Wayne Palmer (he is DEFINITELY behind the shooting of his car!), the German guy comes back mad, Audrey goes to the dark side.

Technorati Tag:

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 3

S
Handpicked with loving care by yours truly. Tried to go for some quotes that aren't heard as frequently. Enjoy.

"I'm going straight to hell. There's no way around it."
"Well, it might not be hell, but you're gonna run into some really bad dudes."

“These pretzels are making me thirsty!” (I know, I know--a little too popular, but I couldn't resist)

"Who put cookies in his mouth? You’re not supposed to do that."

"That’s Hennegan’s. No smell, no tell. Scotch."

"The male kangaroo doesn’t have a pouch; only the female has it. So the male has pouch envy. 'Why should she have this huge pouch, and I have nothing? I have things to carry, too. At least give me a pocket.'"

"You can’t break up with me! I’ve got hand!"
"And you’re gonna need it." (again, a little too cliche, but whatever)

"Hello? What Delay Industries? No, you’re way, way off—this is an apartment."

"And you want to be my latex salesman." (Had to use it.)

"What kind of hair…Is it flowing? I like flowing. Cascading hair. Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me…let me ask you this: if you stick your hand in the hair, is it easy to get it out?"

"I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you got problems."

"Up here, I’m already gone."

Technorati Tag:

The Day Has Arrived. And a Tag.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I threw up three times over the last 24 hours. Yes, today is my Fantasy Baseball draft.

I'm the commissioner for my league, so I'm very into all the rules, but I have NEVER prepared more for a draft than this year's draft. I've gone over my draft strategy, ranked all the players, and read the profiles of the players I'm not that familiar with. I seriously had dreams about baseball players last night.

So it's T-minus 5 hours to the draft, and I can't stand it. I'm currently watching Seinfeld drinking coffee. I'm shaking all over.


While you're here, visit my tenant and tell debbiecakes Vandelay Industries says hello.


I was tagged by Tricia. Woo-hoo!

The rules:
List seven songs you’re into right now. No matter the genre, whether [or not] they have words, or even if they’re any good, they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs, then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

The songs:
Beethoven - "Emperor" Piano Concerto
Beethoven - Pathetique, Movement 2
Erasure - A Little Respect
Barenaked Ladies - Break Your Heart
Peter Warlock - Capriol Suite (technically, these are 6 songs)
Coldplay - Fix You
Collective Soul - Run

So there you have it: 7 songs that I keep listening to. Do with this info what you will. I'm going to obsess over my draft some more.

Seven people tagged:
Tara
ndheathen
Lizzie
MappyB
Bone
Heather B.
Danielle

Technorati Tag:

Friday, March 17, 2006

Film Review: Broken Flowers

Broken Flowers is a film that fans of the art will definitely respect, but it's a film that isn't quite appropriate for mass consumption. It's extremely stylized, it's well-acted (especially by the lead, Bill Murray), and it gets you to think--these are all great things.

The problem is that Broken Flowers is too obvious where it should be nuanced, and too nuanced when it should be more obvious. For instance, Jim Jarmusch makes symbols obvious that only a film nut will care about, but the film nut will be frustrated at having these small things so obvious. Then he'll make something pretty integral to the film fairly obscure and hard to pick up on. This makes for some confusing film watching.

ALL of the transitions are fade to black, which gives the film a dream-like feel. This is aided by the fact that the audience is left in the dark for almost all of the movie, and certain pieces seemingly have no purpose. In a way, the film reminded me of Mulholland Dr., with its random, confused elements thrown together to tell a story, with a little About Schmidt sprinkled in for good measure.

Bottom line: if you enjoy the nuts and bolts of filmmaking and enjoy interpreting symbols, this flick is for you. If you're anyone else, you might want to take a pass.

Technorati Tags: ,

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Seasons 1-2

So I've recently been practicing what I preach--I've started watching the entire Seinfeld cycle again. And it's SO refreshing. Seinfeld is such a part of my personality that it's like recharging my personality. Even in the early seasons, the shows are hilarious and still quite relevant. Here are some examples of hilarity and interesting facts from the early episodes:

"Trust me, George, no one wants to see you on caffeine."

The name Art Vandelay is first invented by George in the second episode, "The Stakeout."

Kramer's first trademark entrance occurs in episode three, "The Robbery."

"I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some sort of excuse Rolodex."

"I cannot envision any circumstance in which I’ll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How’s it gonna happen? I just don’t see how it could occur."

"Cartwright! Cartwright!"

"Hi George, I'm Raymond."

Technorati Tag:

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Smile If You're Lying

We're in luck, Vandelay Industries fans...I have a new tenant, and in keeping with the long (2) line of great tenants, this one's theme is lying. What could be better? Smile If You're Lying's owner Deb enjoys awesome movies such as Run Lola Run and Rushmore and books such as The Catcher in the Rye and Of Mice and Men. Do yourself a favor and check out the site on the right sidebar.
______________________________________

Tara: The theme for tomorrow is Junglewear. Good luck.
______________________________________

I'm still grieving.
______________________________________

The shampoo was a huge success. The ladies can't get enough of me.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

I Bought Shampoo Today for the First Time in 3 ½ Years

I was at the grocery today and I was walking down the toiletry aisle. I happened to notice the shampoo bottles. Now, you have to understand that I haven't had any significant amount of hair since my junior year of college, so shampoo hasn't really been at the top of my grocery list for a while.

But something has changed now: for the past month or so, I haven't shaved my head. You see that picture in my profile? I don't look like that anymore--there's hair on my head now (not all over, but some hair nonetheless). I've just been using soap, but I think I'm ready to take it up a notch. I'm really excited for tomorrow morning.


24 Update
On a completely different subject, it was brought to my attention today at work that Tony might actually not be dead on 24 (I wore black today in mourning). I see this argument, and trust me, I hope it's right, but there's probably only a 10% chance in my book. I'm still devasted.

Monday, March 13, 2006

24 Recap - 3/13/06

God FUCKING dammit! NOOOOOOO. How can they do that?!? Shit. I can't BELIEVE that TONY died. AAAAHHHHHH! Apparently, I like Tony even more than Michelle, based on my reaction to their deaths. I literally yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOO" at the TV, startling my cats and most of my neighbors. Very shocking, very sad. They had best introduce some new, kickass character that's like some super Tony-Michelle hybrid. I'm pissed, if you can't tell.

Other brief observations:

Best Jack line in a while: "You alright?" "No."

Chloe: "I'm pretty good at getting information."

Lynn McGill went all George Mason on us. MUCH less shocked about this than Tony--this was foreseeable.

Kim is now a heartless bitch and until further notice I want her completely gone from the show.

This episode was really a stand-alone episode; very little happens outside of CTU (including the President's idiotic cowering).

Good parts: Jack's cool line (see above). There was nothing else good about this episode. Tony's death erases all goodness off the face of the earth. Even the Jameson tasted bitter. I hate my life.

Bad parts: Tony's death. Tony's death. Tony's death. Tony's death. Tony's death. Kim still living. Tony's death.

Predictions: Southie wallows in sorrow and depression and never watches 24 again. I'll miss you, Tony.


Technorati Tag:

20 Things I Don't Care About

I'm in a negative mood, so here's a list of things I don't care for and/or about:

1. American Idol
2. Hockey
3. Hockey fans
4. Dieting
5. The entire state of Kentucky
6. Trans fat
7. Love stories
8. Hardwood floors and granite countertops
9. Ipods (*gasp!*)
10. Any TV show with "Makeover" in the title
11. Oprah and all Oprah-related pursuits
12. Yachting/Golf/Polo/Any sport that only allows white people to play
13. Fear
14. Fear regarding terrorism
15. Fear regarding one's goal(s) in life
16. The GOP
17. NASCAR/Horseracing/Speedskating/Track/Cross-country/Any sort of racing
18. March Madness
19. Capitalism
20. Blind religious faith

If I haven't yet managed to offend you, come back tomorrow and I'll see what I can do.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

My Take on the World Baseball Classic

So today is actually the first day I've seen any of the World Baseball Classic, and, actually, I'm surprised at how much I'm into it. Granted, it might be the fact that I'm almost literally foaming at the mouth from baseball withdrawal or that I've been doing draft prep for my fantasy baseball draft for 9 of the last 48 hours, but these games sure feel real. Actually--and ESPN frequently points this out--it has an uncanny postseason feel to it. In March.

I caught the last half of the USA-Japan game, it was really a well-played game, full of hype, skill, drama, and controversy. The US (who I'm supposed to be for, I guess) won in the bottom of the 9th on a walk-off single from Alex Rodriguez, my very own keeper in fantasy baseball. I'm thinking of suggesting that I get his stats from the WBC. The controversy stems from an overturned sac fly RBI call, where Buck Martinez argued successfully that the runner at third left before the catch was made. The runner did not leave early, so Japan should have gone ahead at least 4-3 in the top of the 9th.

And right now I'm watching the Puerto Rico-Dominican Republic matchup--it's 3-1 in the top of the 6th, a very well-pitched game (Colon vs J Vasquez). And, again, these teams are good: competitive, emotional, and skilled.

The commentators are constantly pointing out the fact that all of teams are "really into it," but despite, perhaps, all the hype, I'm totally buying it. You know what this means, right? I'll probably be watching baseball daily well into August.

PS--Visit my tenant if you haven't already. Almost time for him to leave...


Technorati Tags: ,

Southie's Future Wife
















I know she's married with children and ten years older than me. Goddammit, I don't care.


Technorati Tags:

Saturday, March 11, 2006

The Vandelay Industries Button

I'm happy to announce that we here at Vandelay Industries have our very first button! I know, I know, it's very exciting--try to control yourself.

Here it is: Image hosted by Photobucket.com

If you enjoy visiting Southie's famous blog, please feel free to put the button on your own page. Also, The Captain (Southie's mascot) has his own button, which can be found here.

Tara: do this or I will never speak to you again.

How to install the Vandelay Industries button on your site:

1. Right-click on the button and "Save Picture As..." onto your desktop.

2. Sign up for a free account with an image hosting service such as Photobucket.

3. Upload the saved button into your online album.

4. After the upload is complete, you will see three fields below the image.

5. Copy the text from the "Tag" field, and paste it into your website template.

6. Replace "http://www.photobucket.com" with "http://latexsalesman.blogspot.com". Enjoy!

My Question for Mitch Hurwitz

So, supposing the Arrested Development being picked up by Showtime rumors are true, I've got a pretty important question for creator-producer Mitch Hurwitz.

Given that FOX is a television station that can be seen by millions and millions of little girls in pigtails, they must abide by the censorship laws put in place for TV stations that come with basic cable. Now, granted, FOX has been pushing this envelope with the best of them, but the fact of the matter is, shows like Arrested Development were never able to say the word "fuck" (beeping it out and covering the mouth of the character) or "cunt" (using instead a clever reference to "the Seaward") or show Tobias' sock-enshrined penis. The thing is, Arrested found such clever ways of getting around the censors that those methods themselves were the jokes have the time--and it was DAMN funny.

But if these rumors are true, Mitch Hurwitz, and you'll be moving your brilliant show to Showtime, whether these restrictions are much more lax, what will you do? Are we suddenly going to start hearing GOB's tirades about shaving his ------, bending you over and ------ in the -------? Because the fabric of the show would be fundamentally different. Would it be as funny? I don't know, but I don't think so. If more profanity is allowed on the show, the show would need to be taken in a different direction, and there are many out there who believe that anything Mitch Hurwitz produces would be dynamite, so that would work. And it might. But I miss my old Arrested, the clever allusions to female body parts, the topless girls that we can't see, and the characters who are real because they say "fuck" just like I do. My vote is that they not change a thing.


Other Arrested News:

It has been announced that Season 3 of Arrested is being released on DVD on June 13! Hoorah! Details here.

Tony Hale (Buster) is now a father for the first time. Congrats, Byron!

There is a fantastic post I've stumbled across on Arrested--it details the "25 Best Arrested Development Moments". Quite funny. Check it out here.

Technorati Tags: ,

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Haunted House Dressing

I've got a new Asian businessman living in my dresser! This week's tenant is Haunted House Dressing, the official site of writer Jeremy C. Shipp, and let me tell you, it's a great site.

Haunted House Dressing is a zany potpourri of clever writing, pictures, and general witticisms. Loyal Vandelay Industries followers, check it out! Click on the thumbnail to the right.

Landlord Love

I'm crashing at three more sites. It seems I'm more popular on the blogosphere than in real life. You should definitely check these sites out, cause they rock.

Emily's Nutang: This site is the shit--run by a college student from Alabama. That's run, Bone, I said Alabama. She has a cat named Dr. Doom. And it doesn't hurt that she's totally hot.

Odd Planet: This site is odd. It has an appropriate name. Also, it's similar to Vandelay Industries in that there are random, pseudo-interesting things brought to your attention.

Mark Rogers, Super Guy: This is a Super Site from a Super Guy. And, more importantly, this was the site that first informed me that Arrested Development is being picked up by Showtime. What more can you ask for?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

100 Things

As the tradition on the blogosphere goes, to mark my 100th post, here are 100 things about me that you may or may not know.

1. My first car was a Mazda 626 named Tim.
2. I have read The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit at least six times.
3. I am right-handed.
4. My favorite author is James Joyce.
5. My least favorite chore is taking out the trash.
6. I have lived for a total of at least three weeks on four continents.
7. My favorite color is blue.
8. My favorite college team is Notre Dame, infinitesimally closely followed by Ohio State.
9. I have very little respect for golfers.
10. I am one-half Italian.
11. My favorite martini is an appletini.
12. I can quote from almost any Seinfeld episode.
13. I used to listen to country on a daily basis.
14. I hate country.
15. I have been on a horse exactly one time.
16. If I had to claim a favorite movie, it would be The Royal Tenenbaums.
17. I eat too much sometimes.
18. My best friend is an orchestra director.
19. I have never truly been content, at least for a significant amount of time.
20. My favorite sport is either football or baseball, depending on the season.
21. My favorite city is Rome.
22. I live five hours away from where I grew up.
23. I am a writer.
24. My favorite composer is Beethoven.
25. I like to stay up until 2 or 3am, but during the school year, I typically go to sleep around 9pm.
26. I have no problem whatsoever with homosexuality.
27. I have two cats, named Holden and Atticus.
28. I once fell 35 feet in a freak band camp incident.
29. I have very little hair, comparatively.
30. I am simultaneously scared of and in awe of big cities.
31. I once lived for 48 hours as a homeless person.
32. My favorite poem is "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
33. I wear contacts.
34. I am constantly afraid of losing the present--or forgetting past--so I catalogue everything and never throw anything away.
35. I miss college.
36. I believe in transcendentalism.
37. I have no strong feelings about my own death.
38. I hate very few things more than reality television.
39. There isn't much more beautiful than a baby.
40. I am an Eagle Scout.
41. I relate very much to JD from Scrubs in that I constantly am metathinking about my life.
42. I always drink whisky--preferably Jameson--while I watch 24.
43. I have truly been in love once.
44. I believe that pages 116-117 of The Great Gatsby are the most important in the entire novel (in the Scribner 2004 edition).
45. I relate to Holden Caulfield more than any other character in any book or film.
46. I miss not having any responsibility, but that's only because I take it so seriously.
47. If I could live two lives at once, I'd try to be a director in Hollywood.
48. I don't exercise enough.
49. Few people see the real me, even though I'm a fairly open person.
50. I enjoy gardening, but I don't currently have a garden.
51. I have a genetic predisposition to addiction.
52. I have been to two Jimmy Buffett concerts.
53. My last three pairs of shoes have been Sperry Topsiders.
54. I was obsessed with The Beatles in middle school.
55. I'm subconsciously afraid of not being good enough.
56. I deeply respect with work of Joseph Campbell.
57. The thought of donuts, nacho cheese, and hot dogs makes me sick.
58. If I could have any superpower, it would be the ability to fly.
59. Gelato is the best thing I have ever eaten, no question.
60. My first favorite book was Beverly Cleary's The Mouse and the Motorcycle. I still read it sometimes.
61. I was born legally blind in my right eye, but it's all good now.
62. I enjoy a good cup of coffee.
63. I have brown eyes.
64. Sometimes I have trouble getting to sleep.
65. I never learned how to blow a bubble with bubble gum.
66. I check the news from three websites multiple times per day.
67. I am one of the founding members of the Pie Championship Series.
68. The sound of the dryer running calms me.
69. I am fascinated by shiny and/or glass things.
70. Sometimes I just want to play with Legos.
71. I have never been to Seattle.
72. I hate grading papers. And I'm a teacher.
73. I never saw the third Matrix movie, and I'm not too worried about it.
74. I firmly believe that more people should visit this site.
75. I occasionally wonder how people can be extreme conservatives and still have a conscience. Honestly.
76. I am one of the few people who can claim that they have a personal mascot.
77. I grew up a Cincinnati Reds fan, but I'm currently considering being a full-fledged Cubs fan.
78. I'm a relativist.
79. I enjoy cooking.
80. Fantasy baseball gets me so excited sometimes I can't stand it.
81. I hate the number 3 with a passion.
82. I was in an a capella group in college.
83. I love rain.
84. I like to swim.
85. If I had a totem animal, it would be the kangaroo.
86. Woody Allen makes me laugh very hard. Sometimes I can't stop.
87. I'm unnaturally bad at making small talk with people I don't know.
88. I can memorize names and numbers very well.
89. I like to wear sport coats.
90. Clowns scare me a little.
91. The worst movie I have ever seen is Dead Man on Campus.
92. I can drive a stick-shift.
93. I plan a lot.
94. Flying in a plane doesn't bother me at all.
95. I don't like to be around a lot of people for a long time.
96. I love naps in the afternoon.
97. Capri is the most beautiful place I have ever been.
98. I know how to play handball--but don't.
99. Being around dogs makes me uncomfortable.
100. I have tried--and enjoyed--peanut butter and tomato sandwiches.

Monday, March 06, 2006

24 Recap - 3/06/06

***SPOILERS***

Noooooooo! Poor Edgar. Remember when his mom died? He handled that very well. I'll always remember him for his tubbiness and his awkward social skills. He and Chloe should have had awkward sex before he died. Poor Edgar.

Kim's back. I thought she would die in the nerve gas. If not her, then I thought Tony. Thank god Tony didn't die. I don't know if I could handle that. Kim's not as hot now, so I think it'll be okay when she dies. I'm almost positive she'll die this season. At least, I hope she does (very complex here: she's very hot, so I don't want her to go, but she can't act and has been much hotter before, so I want to remember her like that. Very complex).

I still miss Michelle. Do you think they'll bring her back?

At this point, President Logan is just stupid. Unless he does something to completely redeem himself, I'm not really buying any of his crap. (Let's invite the VP in have him suggest stupid stuff without being fully informed of the situation!)

Aaron Pierce and Mrs. Logan should get it on.

Jack should kill Kim's boyfriend. He's a tool.

Good parts: Jack shooting Henderson's wife in the leg (awesome!), Lynn's crack-whore sister being shot in the head, Chloe showing sadness, the Jameson.

Bad parts: Edgar dying, Kim coming back (overall), gratuitous shot of flags in the background while the camera follows Jack, occasional time speed-up, no Michelle.

Predictions: Jack beats it out of Henderson that the VP is in on all of the terrorist activity, Tony helps out in a heroic way, Kim dies somehow, Jack beats the shit out of her boyfriend, Lynn turns out to be a woman. Mark it.

Technorati Tag:

NEWS!!! and 24 Preview

Hear, Hear! Apparently Arrested Development has been picked up by Showtime with a two-year, 26 episode contract. Sources are reporting this here, here, and here. I'm going to be cautiously optimistic until we hear something a bit more concrete, but things are looking good. HOORAY!!!













In other news, Kim Bauer going to be on 24 tonight, and apparently someone is going to die that will change the face of CTU...mysterious!

Technorati Tags: ,

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oscar Recap

Here are my jumbled, sleepy impressions of the Oscars:

I really liked the opening film characters monatge, at the very beginning.

The host montage was HILARIOUS--especially Billy Crystal and Chris Rock in the Brokeback Mountain tent.

Also, the gay western montage was great.

"Ben Stiller and His Amazing Green Unitard"

I found it ridiculously funny when they cut to Jack Nicholson during the Dolly Parton song.

Zach Braff was on the Oscars! Chicken Little Zach Braff! Yay!

In general, Jon Stewart was too clever for his audience, but he got into a rhythm later.

Apparently, Rachel Weisz is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. Why haven't I heard of this before?

The M. Night Shamalan commercial ROCKED. It was crazy.

I can't believe It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp won. Stupid.

I did like the lobbying parodies. They were funny.

Shocked that Crash won--I'll have to see it. And that Rachel Weisz is AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. Glad that Ang Lee won.

I'm going to bed--to dream about Rachel Weisz.











Technorati Tag:

Why I Hate Golfers









So I took this picture a few moments ago, and it's emblematic of why I hate golfers: they're idiots. And don't get me wrong--they're not the lovable, you-messed-up-this-time-but-we'll-give-you-another-chance type of idiot--they're the I'm-going-to-do-what-I-want-when-I-want-and-fuck-anybody-who-gets-in-my-way idiots.

You may notice, if you look carefully at the photo, that there's a substantial amount of snow on the ground. You may also be aware that the typical golf ball is white. The color of snow.

It's just the fact that these rich WASPs play on these well-manicured, sprawling courses, usually tended to by minorities or young, future rich WASPs that gets me. It seems socially unfair that a bunch of old white men will shell out so much money to hit a ball around this idyllic landscape while people are literally starving to death.

Okay, this post got too serious. How bout this: HAHA, LOOK AT THE FUCKERS PLAYING GOLF IN THE SNOW!!! IDIOTS!!!

Technorati Tags: ,

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Film Review: The Motorcycle Diaries

A student lent The Motorcycle Diaries to me, and I'm glad he did. The basic premise/plotline is simple: two South American twenty-somethings decide to take a five month roadtrip before they are too old to do it anymore. As you can hopefully guess, however, the adventures become much more than this.

The main thing that stuck out to me is the simple beauty of the film. Director Walter Salles was very effectively able to show the natural elegance of the continent, while still making a poignant statement as to the very poor living conditions of many of the inhabitants. In an era when more money equals more spectacle, this movie puts them all to shame.

Another interesting--almost phantom in the film--is Ernesto Guevara de la Serna's gradual awakening to the injustices around him (as he eventually will become "Che" Guevara). It's a very organic, authentic transformation. I bought it.

I kept thinking of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, for those of you who've read it. And there are a number of similarities between the two, but they are rather different on the whole.

Of course, as only true art can do, I was spurred to do a few hours of research on Guevara and South America, which was quite interesting.

Highly recommended.

Technorati Tags: ,

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

How to Become a Multimillionaire in Seven Easy Steps

1) Work in a fried chicken restaurant. Marry one of the cooks. Start amateur modeling.

2) After having at least one child with your cook husband, get a divorce. Get implants.

3) Forget the chicken job and the modeling and become a topless dancer. In Texas.

4) Get noticed by horny men. Sleep with enough of these horny men to eventually get into a nudie mag. And softcore porn.

5) Now here's the tough part: find a senile, near-death, billionaire horny man, and trick him into thinking you have a personality and a capacity for love. Marry him.

6) Kill him.

7) Viciously and cold-heartedly fight over your late husband's estate with your conniving, pretentious-name-bearing former stepson for seven years, culminating in making headlines as the sluttiest person ever to go before the Supreme Court. Win.

Done and done.