Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Lost Seinfeld Episode

Sorry I haven't been around in a while, folks. Had to share this, though:

Monday, April 17, 2006

24 Recap - 4/17/06

Not a bad episode, I suppose, complete with a little Chloe/Mission Impossible stuff.

I REALLY wanted those shots Henderson fired to have hit Audrey. It would have been great.

What happened with Aaron Pierce's phone?

I hope Mike Novick never dies. He'll probably die next week, though.

Totally say Heller not accepting Jack's plan to make the recording public.

Can someone explain to me why no one made a recording of the recording, at least on their cell phone? You know, all cell phones have a voice memo feature. Crap.

Good parts: Audrey Raines bleeding (it was horrific, and got my hopes up), Chloe being sneaky and deceptive, no Curtis (!!!), Bill Buchanan helping out after leaving CTU--a la Tony (I miss Tony!), The Jack.

Bad parts: Audrey not dying, I have no interest in what's going on at CTU, 24 starting when it's light out (what the hell?!), no Michelle.

Predictions: Chloe and Bill help Jack to apprehend Henderson, Jack has to leave Audrey and she loses a lot of blood but doesn't pass out, Logan goes on the run.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 6

I'm taking a break after Season 6--I have Seasons 7-9, but I'll prolly wait until they come out on DVD to do the quote thing. Enjoy.

"As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a person could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game."

“Noreen’s not here. This is Dan.”

“Do your thing there, where you lie to everyone.”

“Well, I cashed the checks, the checks bounced, and now my nanna’s missing!”
“Well don’t look at me!”
“It’s your fault!”
“My fault? Your nanna is missing because she’s been passing those bum checks all over town, and she finally pissed off the wrong people!”

“Hey, it’s George. I got nothing to say.”

“What was a man in a cape doing with my father? What was my father doing with a man in a cape? Why a cape?”

“Mom and Pop’s plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years, and then run off with Jerry’s sneakers?”

“You know you have a newer, and a ma in front of it. Ma-newer. It’s not bad.”

“Well, come on, little princess. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas. Don’t be shy.”
“She doesn’t speak English.”
“Oh, Santa speaks the language of all children. A-norchy-worchy-dorchy-doo.”

“Hey, where can I put this?”
“What is it?”
“It’s Risk, Jerry. The game of world conquest.”

“Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle for world domination. It’s winner take all—people cannot be trusted.”
“Don’t look at me.”
“Oh, I’m lookin’ right at you, big daddy.”

“I think this is the same one I gave him—he recycled this gift. He’s a regifter!”

“Hey, do you know what the whip does?”
“What whip?”
“The whip—you know, in the Senate and the House.”
“Well, you know, in the old days when the senators didn’t vote the way the party leaders wanted them to, they whipped them: ‘You better vote the way we want you to or there’s gonna be big trouble.’”

“George likes his chicken spicy.”

“George is getting upset.”

“You know, I once went out with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.”

“Nobody can be in here for 48 hours? I got my parents in town.”
“Well, unless you want to kill ‘em, they can’t stay in here.”

“It’s fusilli Jerry!”

“Every proctology joke ends the same way: ‘It was a million-to-one shot, doc. Million-to-one.’”

“Well of course they’re trying to screw you. They can say anything—no one knows. ‘Yeah, you need a new Johnson rod in there.’”

“I’m headed to Houston. Where you headed?”
“Oh, I’m happy right here.”

“I will never understand people.”
“They’re the worst.”

“Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society? Because if you don’t want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don’t you just get in your car and move to the East Side.”

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

A Seinfeld Observation

Through the 3rd season of Seinfeld, Jerry says the following in a little boy's voice in exactly the same way, in completely separate episodes:

"I don’t want to be a pirate."
"I don’t want to be a cowboy."
"I don’t want to be Switzerland."

Monday, April 10, 2006

24 Recap - 4/10/06

Okay, some answers. And on the whole, I suppose I'll go along with them. I do think that Logan couldn't have gone through what he did earlier in the season knowing that he caused it all, though. He's too weak.

I hate Audrey.

On the whole, this was actually a pretty decent episode. I like the bank situation. And this quote was classic:
Jack: "How is he?"
Wayne: "He's dead."

There are too many musical themes and genres thrown together now. At one point we almost had a Kubrikian/The Shining thing going on with the synth. And then of course Mrs. Logan's psycho theme was reprised. And this weird helicopter-like sound when they were in the bank. Whatever.

Good parts: Evelyn's daughter with bloody hands (can you say Macbeth?), Chloe being cool, the Glenfiddich.

Bad parts: Stupid Homeland Security people, Henderson always driving somewhere but getting nowhere, no attractive females.

Predictions: Henderson tries to stop Jack from meeting with the Secretary of Defense and there is a firefight. Jack miraculously saves the day. I win Week 2 of my fantasy league.

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Sunday, April 09, 2006

With Catlike Agility

Let's briefly examine the phrase "with catlike agility."

I was watching the White Sox today, and one of the commentators (whom I abhor) said, "Man, Joe Crede really dove out for that ball with catlike agility." My main problem with this statement is that according to, to be agile means "characterized by quickness, lightness, and ease of movement; nimble."
My cats are not agile, by this definition. My cats can run fast, but they frequently lose their balance, slide around on smooth surfaces, and fall off of ledges. In other words, they are quick, but not graceful. Then again, this description really does describe Joe Crede, except for the quickness part.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Best Joke Ever

This is the best joke I have ever seen. From

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Some Random Questions from Southie

Why do we work five days a week? In Norway they only work four (or so I hear).

Seriously: what's the big draw of reality television?

Why do girls now wear those sweaters that only go halfway down to the waist? They look dumb.

Why don't more people drink martinis? They're so good.

What makes people with hair more attractive than those without?

How is it possible that people like the Yankees outside of New York? I mean, it's like a whole team on steroids.

Why do we have to pay for water?

Any and all answers appreciated.

Monday, April 03, 2006

24 Recap - 4/03/06

Gotta say, folks, that ending really got me. I really can't explain it. It just doesn't make sense to me, given what we've seen thus far this season. Maybe the President has a twin brother. Any ideas, please let me know.

Plot was just okay--the Eveline twist was pretty good at the beginning, but all the rest seemed to be filler to me (e.g., Jack and Wayne very slowly taking out the bad guys).

Not enough new hot girl in this one.

Does anyone else think that Audrey signing that statement just to get Chloe was needless? In seasons past Jack wouldn't need satellite; he'd take 'em all out himself, and he even had squimish Wayne along for the ride (and wasn't he itching to kill Sherry Palmer, or was I making that up?).

My best guess for the guy at the end was going to be Mike Novak. Damn, I'm still dumbfounded. What the fuck?

Finally, I saw a student today actually wearing a 24 shirt. What a nerd! (I must have one)

Good parts: Pretty good twists in this one, Jack slitting that guy's throat needlessly, the Glenfiddich.

Bad parts: I missed some baseball, Audrey's still on the show, we still don't know why there's such an importance in finding Henderson, no TonyMichelleKim, etc.

Predictions: We find out what the fuck is going on.

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On the Left Tip

Everyone stand up. Now, those of you who are conservative (if you still read my blog, that is), sit down.

Everyone else, check out the newest Asian businessman living in my dresser, On the Left Tip. You'll like it.

On second thought, conservatives, check it out, too. It'll piss you off.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Opening Day

...and baseball is upon us.

The first game, of course, is tonight--Chicago White Sox vs. Cleveland Indians. Should be a good one!

Our fantasy scoring starts tomorrow. I'm going to kick ass.

Actually, while I'm writing this post, I seriously just heard this from Jerry Seinfeld (he's sitting in my living room): "As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a person could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game."

Last night, I seriously had a dream that Nomar Garciaparra (one of my fantasy players) quit baseball. It was one of those dreams that you think it's true when you wake up. I was in tears.

Unrelated to the start of the season, but still quite relevant, I've started to read this book, Baseball and Philosophy. So far, it's really good. It's in the same series as Seinfeld and Philosophy, wherein philosophers write articles that apply philosophical ideas to the subject. Awesome stuff.

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Seinfeld Quotes - Season 5

***Handpicked for Quality***

“What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?”
“Fake, fake, fake, fake.”

“I don’t believe this—this guy owes me big time! I got him off sugar!”

“I don’t know what to believe—you’re eatin’ onions, you’re spottin’ dimes—I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on!”

“Jerry, where’d you get that sweater?”
“Yeah, what do you think? I found it in the back of my closet.”
“I think that’s what the back of closets are for.”

“What’s today?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“Really? Feels like Tuesday.”
“Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.”
“I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.”
“Alright, shut up, the both of you.”

“Hmmm…that job sounds like it might be worth a year’s worth of free haircuts—and a comb!”

“No, 8 years isn’t such a long streak.”
“It isn’t?”
“No, I haven’t vomited in 13 years.”
“Get out!”
“Not since June 29th, 1980.”
“You remember the date?”
“Yes, because my previous vomit was also June 29th—1972. That’s why during the ’80 vomit I was yelling to George, ‘Can you believe it? I’m vomiting on June 29th again!’”

“I’ve never seen a beautiful lady reading The Guide so far away from the TV.” (Said by none other than Sam Lloyd—Ted of Scrubs fame! Who knew?!)

“What is this? A prophylactic wrapper?”

“Ah, you’re crazy.”
“Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?”
“Is it? Or is it so possible that you’re head is spinning like a top?”
“It can’t be!”
“Can it? Or is your entire world just crashing down around you?
“Alright, that’s enough.”

“Hey, do you believe I got Happy New Yeared today? It’s February.”
“I once got Happy New Yeared in March!”
“It’s disgusting.”
“It’s pathetic.”

“My wife has an inner-ear infection.”

“No, that’s very bad for the kidneys.”
”How do you know?”
“Medical journals.”
“Do the medical journals mention anything about standing in another man’s urine?”

“You’re living in the past, man. You’re hung up on some clown from the ‘60s, man!” (Said by Jon Faveau, as Eric the Clown!)

“It shrinks?”
“Like a frightened turtle.”
“Why does it shrink?”
“It just does.”
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”

“Elaine, bald men, with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.”

“Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle…Constanza?!”

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