Wednesday, March 01, 2006

How to Become a Multimillionaire in Seven Easy Steps

1) Work in a fried chicken restaurant. Marry one of the cooks. Start amateur modeling.

2) After having at least one child with your cook husband, get a divorce. Get implants.

3) Forget the chicken job and the modeling and become a topless dancer. In Texas.

4) Get noticed by horny men. Sleep with enough of these horny men to eventually get into a nudie mag. And softcore porn.

5) Now here's the tough part: find a senile, near-death, billionaire horny man, and trick him into thinking you have a personality and a capacity for love. Marry him.

6) Kill him.

7) Viciously and cold-heartedly fight over your late husband's estate with your conniving, pretentious-name-bearing former stepson for seven years, culminating in making headlines as the sluttiest person ever to go before the Supreme Court. Win.

Done and done.

5 comments:

Sue Ellen Mischke said...

She didn't win yet.

AND that poor old man you are referring to once was married and had a mistress, and when they died he found himself a playmate. And he begged Anna Nicole to let him be her sugar daddy. I'm not saying she's innocent in all of this, but he knew he was getting into.

ndheathen said...

...and you're telling me that you wouldn't sleep with a billionaire near death for a month or so if you knew you would get half the fortune?

-t- said...

Probably as much as you would sleep with a billionaire woman in the same situation for the same reason. ;)

Mappy B said...

That's all I need to do?! Man, why didn't someone tell me all this before?!

Mikestar said...

Wow thats for the advice, Here comes my first 1,000,000