Friday, December 23, 2005

Another Festivus MIRACLE!

First of all, boys and girls, I hope you have the merriest Festivus EVER. While the Festivus purists will tell you that Festivus should be an impromptu holiday, bypassing any and all comercialism, I'm going to stick with the traditional Frank Costanza date: December 23rd. It indeed is that time of year when we air our grievances and perform our heroic feats of strength.

My Airing of Grievances
"I got a lot of problems with you people!"
1. How come no one smiles at strangers anymore? That happened in college, at least to me.
2. No one has complimented my goatee in a while. You guys suck.
3. Why do Notre Dame and Ohio State have to play each other this year? It's a lose-lose situation (well, technically, a lose-win situation, but still).
4. Why haven't the doctors found that ever-elusive anti-fat gene therapy yet? Come on!
5. In case you didn't notice, teachers don't get paid SHIT.
6. Why does my car insurance cost so frickin much?!?
7. Why doesn't the US have true public health care? I was visiting my frail grandmother today, and she's very knowledgeable about the new Medicare Plan D, and apparently it's a load of crap. Has anyone else noticed that Republicans don't care about old people (or the poor, while we're at it)?
8. There is a shamefully small amount of public transportation in this country.
9. How come Gino knows so many hot women, and he won't give me ANY of them?
10. Why is Peter Jennings dead?!?!?
11. Shouldn't the University of Michigan be disbanded already? I mean, really.
12. Steve Madden didn't name his newborn son after me. I mean COME ON!
13. Did I mention that I don't get paid SHIT?
14. Speaking of teaching, have you noticed how much alcohol costs these days?
15. Are there no eligible females left?
16. Why doesn't the state of Illinois add an extra lane to ALL of its highways?
17. Why do football players pat each other on the ass (and not me)?
18. Why do dogs exist?
19. Mark May sucks my ass.
20. This is the worst site I've ever been to.

The Feats of Strength
"Festivus doesn't end until you pin me, George."
Today Paul and I decided to see who could drink the most before passing out--it was our little Festivus Feats of Strength. And we're still going.
The above is not true.

In other news--as I alluded to above--Steve and Jen Madden are now the proud parents of little Nicholas Madden. And he was born today, on Festivus! I actually tried to call Steve "while Jen was pushing."

And finally, Jon Reardon, high school buddy of mine, referred me to an awesome site. It's called, and if you haven't been there before, you should definitely check it out. What it does is compile reviews from critics on film, DVDs, music, games, books, and TV, and it weights different critics' reviews (i.e., a music critic from Rolling Stone would have more sway than one from The Dayton Daily News). Thus, it creates an overall rating that takes all of these ratings into account. Kinda neat.

Well, until next time, have a spectacular Festivus!!!


Sue Ellen Mischke said...

HEY!!! I saw that. I hope you have the WORST festivus EVER.

Sue Ellen Mischke said...

Although, you totally gave me an idea for a post.... airing of grieveances. I'm all OVER that shit!

Southie said...

My pleasure...on both accounts. It was awesome to air my grievances...very cathartic.

The Complimenting Commenter said...

First, I would like to compliment your goatee. It looks awesome. Second, I love the idea of your blog and the title. Subtle, yet funny. Great job and I hope to see more good stuff.

Paul said...

Happy belated Festivus, Mr. South.