I'm taking a break after Season 6--I have Seasons 7-9, but I'll prolly wait until they come out on DVD to do the quote thing. Enjoy."As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a person could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game."
“Noreen’s not here. This is Dan.”
“Do your thing there, where you lie to everyone.”
“Well, I cashed the checks, the checks bounced, and now my nanna’s missing!”
“Well don’t look at me!”
“It’s your fault!”
“My fault? Your nanna is missing because she’s been passing those bum checks all over town, and she finally pissed off the wrong people!”
“Hey, it’s George. I got nothing to say.”
“What was a man in a cape doing with my father? What was my father doing with a man in a cape? Why a cape?”
“Mom and Pop’s plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years, and then run off with Jerry’s sneakers?”
“Apparently.”
“You know you have a newer, and a ma in front of it. Ma-newer. It’s not bad.”
“Well, come on, little princess. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas. Don’t be shy.”
“She doesn’t speak English.”
“Oh, Santa speaks the language of all children. A-norchy-worchy-dorchy-doo.”
“Hey, where can I put this?”
“What is it?”
“It’s Risk, Jerry. The game of world conquest.”
“Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle for world domination. It’s winner take all—people cannot be trusted.”
“Don’t look at me.”
“Oh, I’m lookin’ right at you, big daddy.”
“I think this is the same one I gave him—he recycled this gift. He’s a regifter!”
“Hey, do you know what the whip does?”
“What whip?”
“The whip—you know, in the Senate and the House.”
“Well, you know, in the old days when the senators didn’t vote the way the party leaders wanted them to, they whipped them: ‘You better vote the way we want you to or there’s gonna be big trouble.’”
“George likes his chicken spicy.”
“George is getting upset.”
“You know, I once went out with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.”
“Nobody can be in here for 48 hours? I got my parents in town.”
“Well, unless you want to kill ‘em, they can’t stay in here.”
“It’s fusilli Jerry!”
“Every proctology joke ends the same way: ‘It was a million-to-one shot, doc. Million-to-one.’”
“Well of course they’re trying to screw you. They can say anything—no one knows. ‘Yeah, you need a new Johnson rod in there.’”
“I’m headed to Houston. Where you headed?”
“Oh, I’m happy right here.”
“I will never understand people.”
“They’re the worst.”
“Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society? Because if you don’t want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don’t you just get in your car and move to the East Side.”
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