Sorry I haven't been around in a while, folks. Had to share this, though:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/offbase/060426
Showing posts with label Seinfeld. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Seinfeld. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Seinfeld Quotes - Season 6
I'm taking a break after Season 6--I have Seasons 7-9, but I'll prolly wait until they come out on DVD to do the quote thing. Enjoy.
"As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a person could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game."
“Noreen’s not here. This is Dan.”
“Do your thing there, where you lie to everyone.”
“Well, I cashed the checks, the checks bounced, and now my nanna’s missing!”
“Well don’t look at me!”
“It’s your fault!”
“My fault? Your nanna is missing because she’s been passing those bum checks all over town, and she finally pissed off the wrong people!”
“Hey, it’s George. I got nothing to say.”
“What was a man in a cape doing with my father? What was my father doing with a man in a cape? Why a cape?”
“Mom and Pop’s plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years, and then run off with Jerry’s sneakers?”
“Apparently.”
“You know you have a newer, and a ma in front of it. Ma-newer. It’s not bad.”
“Well, come on, little princess. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas. Don’t be shy.”
“She doesn’t speak English.”
“Oh, Santa speaks the language of all children. A-norchy-worchy-dorchy-doo.”
“Hey, where can I put this?”
“What is it?”
“It’s Risk, Jerry. The game of world conquest.”
“Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle for world domination. It’s winner take all—people cannot be trusted.”
“Don’t look at me.”
“Oh, I’m lookin’ right at you, big daddy.”
“I think this is the same one I gave him—he recycled this gift. He’s a regifter!”
“Hey, do you know what the whip does?”
“What whip?”
“The whip—you know, in the Senate and the House.”
“Well, you know, in the old days when the senators didn’t vote the way the party leaders wanted them to, they whipped them: ‘You better vote the way we want you to or there’s gonna be big trouble.’”
“George likes his chicken spicy.”
“George is getting upset.”
“You know, I once went out with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.”
“Nobody can be in here for 48 hours? I got my parents in town.”
“Well, unless you want to kill ‘em, they can’t stay in here.”
“It’s fusilli Jerry!”
“Every proctology joke ends the same way: ‘It was a million-to-one shot, doc. Million-to-one.’”
“Well of course they’re trying to screw you. They can say anything—no one knows. ‘Yeah, you need a new Johnson rod in there.’”
“I’m headed to Houston. Where you headed?”
“Oh, I’m happy right here.”
“I will never understand people.”
“They’re the worst.”
“Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society? Because if you don’t want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don’t you just get in your car and move to the East Side.”
"As far as baseball goes, I prefer the fat umpires. I feel if you're on the field and you're not in the game, you should be in the worst physical condition a person could possibly be in. They should be allowed to eat during the game."
“Noreen’s not here. This is Dan.”
“Do your thing there, where you lie to everyone.”
“Well, I cashed the checks, the checks bounced, and now my nanna’s missing!”
“Well don’t look at me!”
“It’s your fault!”
“My fault? Your nanna is missing because she’s been passing those bum checks all over town, and she finally pissed off the wrong people!”
“Hey, it’s George. I got nothing to say.”
“What was a man in a cape doing with my father? What was my father doing with a man in a cape? Why a cape?”
“Mom and Pop’s plan was to move into the neighborhood, establish trust for 48 years, and then run off with Jerry’s sneakers?”
“Apparently.”
“You know you have a newer, and a ma in front of it. Ma-newer. It’s not bad.”
“Well, come on, little princess. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas. Don’t be shy.”
“She doesn’t speak English.”
“Oh, Santa speaks the language of all children. A-norchy-worchy-dorchy-doo.”
“Hey, where can I put this?”
“What is it?”
“It’s Risk, Jerry. The game of world conquest.”
“Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle for world domination. It’s winner take all—people cannot be trusted.”
“Don’t look at me.”
“Oh, I’m lookin’ right at you, big daddy.”
“I think this is the same one I gave him—he recycled this gift. He’s a regifter!”
“Hey, do you know what the whip does?”
“What whip?”
“The whip—you know, in the Senate and the House.”
“Well, you know, in the old days when the senators didn’t vote the way the party leaders wanted them to, they whipped them: ‘You better vote the way we want you to or there’s gonna be big trouble.’”
“George likes his chicken spicy.”
“George is getting upset.”
“You know, I once went out with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see her every week, except me. Needless to say, it was quite vexing.”
“Nobody can be in here for 48 hours? I got my parents in town.”
“Well, unless you want to kill ‘em, they can’t stay in here.”
“It’s fusilli Jerry!”
“Every proctology joke ends the same way: ‘It was a million-to-one shot, doc. Million-to-one.’”
“Well of course they’re trying to screw you. They can say anything—no one knows. ‘Yeah, you need a new Johnson rod in there.’”
“I’m headed to Houston. Where you headed?”
“Oh, I’m happy right here.”
“I will never understand people.”
“They’re the worst.”
“Jerry, this is the way society functions. Aren’t you a part of society? Because if you don’t want to be a part of society, Jerry, why don’t you just get in your car and move to the East Side.”
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
A Seinfeld Observation
Through the 3rd season of Seinfeld, Jerry says the following in a little boy's voice in exactly the same way, in completely separate episodes:
"I don’t want to be a pirate."
"I don’t want to be a cowboy."
"I don’t want to be Switzerland."
"I don’t want to be a pirate."
"I don’t want to be a cowboy."
"I don’t want to be Switzerland."
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Seinfeld Quotes - Season 5
***Handpicked for Quality***“What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming?”
“Fake, fake, fake, fake.”
“I don’t believe this—this guy owes me big time! I got him off sugar!”
“I don’t know what to believe—you’re eatin’ onions, you’re spottin’ dimes—I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on!”
“Jerry, where’d you get that sweater?”
“Yeah, what do you think? I found it in the back of my closet.”
“I think that’s what the back of closets are for.”
“What’s today?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“Really? Feels like Tuesday.”
“Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.”
“I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.”
“Alright, shut up, the both of you.”
“Hmmm…that job sounds like it might be worth a year’s worth of free haircuts—and a comb!”
“No, 8 years isn’t such a long streak.”
“It isn’t?”
“No, I haven’t vomited in 13 years.”
“Get out!”
“Not since June 29th, 1980.”
“You remember the date?”
“Yes, because my previous vomit was also June 29th—1972. That’s why during the ’80 vomit I was yelling to George, ‘Can you believe it? I’m vomiting on June 29th again!’”
“I’ve never seen a beautiful lady reading The Guide so far away from the TV.” (Said by none other than Sam Lloyd—Ted of Scrubs fame! Who knew?!)
“What is this? A prophylactic wrapper?”
“Ah, you’re crazy.”
“Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?”
“Impossible!”
“Is it? Or is it so possible that you’re head is spinning like a top?”
“It can’t be!”
“Can it? Or is your entire world just crashing down around you?
“Alright, that’s enough.”
“Yeah!!!”
“Hey, do you believe I got Happy New Yeared today? It’s February.”
“I once got Happy New Yeared in March!”
“It’s disgusting.”
“It’s pathetic.”
“My wife has an inner-ear infection.”
“No, that’s very bad for the kidneys.”
“Fake, fake, fake, fake.”
“I don’t believe this—this guy owes me big time! I got him off sugar!”
“I don’t know what to believe—you’re eatin’ onions, you’re spottin’ dimes—I don’t know what the hell is goin’ on!”
“Jerry, where’d you get that sweater?”
“Yeah, what do you think? I found it in the back of my closet.”
“I think that’s what the back of closets are for.”
“What’s today?”
“It’s Thursday.”
“Really? Feels like Tuesday.”
“Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel. Friday has a feel. Sunday has a feel.”
“I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.”
“Alright, shut up, the both of you.”
“Hmmm…that job sounds like it might be worth a year’s worth of free haircuts—and a comb!”
“No, 8 years isn’t such a long streak.”
“It isn’t?”
“No, I haven’t vomited in 13 years.”
“Get out!”
“Not since June 29th, 1980.”
“You remember the date?”
“Yes, because my previous vomit was also June 29th—1972. That’s why during the ’80 vomit I was yelling to George, ‘Can you believe it? I’m vomiting on June 29th again!’”
“I’ve never seen a beautiful lady reading The Guide so far away from the TV.” (Said by none other than Sam Lloyd—Ted of Scrubs fame! Who knew?!)
“What is this? A prophylactic wrapper?”
“Ah, you’re crazy.”
“Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?”
“Impossible!”
“Is it? Or is it so possible that you’re head is spinning like a top?”
“It can’t be!”
“Can it? Or is your entire world just crashing down around you?
“Alright, that’s enough.”
“Yeah!!!”
“Hey, do you believe I got Happy New Yeared today? It’s February.”
“I once got Happy New Yeared in March!”
“It’s disgusting.”
“It’s pathetic.”
“My wife has an inner-ear infection.”
“No, that’s very bad for the kidneys.”
”How do you know?”
“Medical journals.”
“Do the medical journals mention anything about standing in another man’s urine?”
“You’re living in the past, man. You’re hung up on some clown from the ‘60s, man!” (Said by Jon Faveau, as Eric the Clown!)
“It shrinks?”
“Like a frightened turtle.”
“Why does it shrink?”
“It just does.”
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”
“Elaine, bald men, with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.”
“Medical journals.”
“Do the medical journals mention anything about standing in another man’s urine?”
“You’re living in the past, man. You’re hung up on some clown from the ‘60s, man!” (Said by Jon Faveau, as Eric the Clown!)
“It shrinks?”
“Like a frightened turtle.”
“Why does it shrink?”
“It just does.”
“I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.”
“Elaine, bald men, with no jobs and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.”
“Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle…Constanza?!”
Technorati Tag: Seinfeld
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Seinfeld Quotes - Season 4
Again, I've tried to pick some of the lesser known, yet still hilarious, quotes:“What’d they do for toilet paper in the Civil War? I wonder what toilet paper was like in the 1860’s. Did they carry it in rolls in their duffel bags?”
“You coach a gymnastics team in high school, and you’re married, and your son is not interested in gymnastics and you’re pushing him into gymnastics.”
“Oh, yeah, you better think again, Mojambo.”
“Listen, I got news for you. It’s nice to be involved with someone who’s interested in something other than Nick at Nite.”
“She kept saying, ‘Why, George, why?” I said, ‘Because it’s there.”
“More anything?”
“More everything!”
“It could be anybody—people down through history, reacting in traffic. Franklin Roosevelt: ‘Driver!’”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
“Did you say goiter? What goiter?”
“Phew. It’s like a sauna in here.”
“That’s like putting your whole mouth in the dip.”
“You know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts.”
“I got news for you: handicapped people, they don’t even want to park there. They want to be treated like everyone else. That’s why those spaces are always empty.”
“You know, I really think I’m falling for you, Jerry Seinfeld.”
“Oh, well, I really think I’m falling for you, Joseph Puglia.”
“Why do you have to pick your teeth at the table?” “Oh, leave me alone!”
“Yeah, I’m gonna get married real soon.”
“Again with the sweatpants?”
“What? I’m comfortable.”
“You coach a gymnastics team in high school, and you’re married, and your son is not interested in gymnastics and you’re pushing him into gymnastics.”
“Oh, yeah, you better think again, Mojambo.”
“Listen, I got news for you. It’s nice to be involved with someone who’s interested in something other than Nick at Nite.”
“She kept saying, ‘Why, George, why?” I said, ‘Because it’s there.”
“More anything?”
“More everything!”
“It could be anybody—people down through history, reacting in traffic. Franklin Roosevelt: ‘Driver!’”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”
“Did you say goiter? What goiter?”
“Phew. It’s like a sauna in here.”
“That’s like putting your whole mouth in the dip.”
“You know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts.”
“I got news for you: handicapped people, they don’t even want to park there. They want to be treated like everyone else. That’s why those spaces are always empty.”
“You know, I really think I’m falling for you, Jerry Seinfeld.”
“Oh, well, I really think I’m falling for you, Joseph Puglia.”
“Why do you have to pick your teeth at the table?” “Oh, leave me alone!”
“Yeah, I’m gonna get married real soon.”
“Again with the sweatpants?”
“What? I’m comfortable.”
“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’”
Technorati Tag: Seinfeld
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Seinfeld Quotes - Season 3
S
Handpicked with loving care by yours truly. Tried to go for some quotes that aren't heard as frequently. Enjoy.
"I'm going straight to hell. There's no way around it."
"Well, it might not be hell, but you're gonna run into some really bad dudes."
“These pretzels are making me thirsty!” (I know, I know--a little too popular, but I couldn't resist)
"Who put cookies in his mouth? You’re not supposed to do that."
"That’s Hennegan’s. No smell, no tell. Scotch."
"The male kangaroo doesn’t have a pouch; only the female has it. So the male has pouch envy. 'Why should she have this huge pouch, and I have nothing? I have things to carry, too. At least give me a pocket.'"
"You can’t break up with me! I’ve got hand!"
"And you’re gonna need it." (again, a little too cliche, but whatever)
"Hello? What Delay Industries? No, you’re way, way off—this is an apartment."
"And you want to be my latex salesman." (Had to use it.)
"What kind of hair…Is it flowing? I like flowing. Cascading hair. Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me…let me ask you this: if you stick your hand in the hair, is it easy to get it out?"
"I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you got problems."
"Up here, I’m already gone."
Technorati Tag: Seinfeld
"I'm going straight to hell. There's no way around it."
"Well, it might not be hell, but you're gonna run into some really bad dudes."
“These pretzels are making me thirsty!” (I know, I know--a little too popular, but I couldn't resist)
"Who put cookies in his mouth? You’re not supposed to do that."
"That’s Hennegan’s. No smell, no tell. Scotch."
"The male kangaroo doesn’t have a pouch; only the female has it. So the male has pouch envy. 'Why should she have this huge pouch, and I have nothing? I have things to carry, too. At least give me a pocket.'"
"You can’t break up with me! I’ve got hand!"
"And you’re gonna need it." (again, a little too cliche, but whatever)
"Hello? What Delay Industries? No, you’re way, way off—this is an apartment."
"And you want to be my latex salesman." (Had to use it.)
"What kind of hair…Is it flowing? I like flowing. Cascading hair. Thick, lustrous hair is very important to me…let me ask you this: if you stick your hand in the hair, is it easy to get it out?"
"I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you got problems."
"Up here, I’m already gone."
Technorati Tag: Seinfeld
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Seinfeld Quotes - Seasons 1-2
So I've recently been practicing what I preach--I've started watching the entire Seinfeld cycle again. And it's SO refreshing. Seinfeld is such a part of my personality that it's like recharging my personality. Even in the early seasons, the shows are hilarious and still quite relevant. Here are some examples of hilarity and interesting facts from the early episodes:
"Trust me, George, no one wants to see you on caffeine."
The name Art Vandelay is first invented by George in the second episode, "The Stakeout."
Kramer's first trademark entrance occurs in episode three, "The Robbery."
"I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some sort of excuse Rolodex."
"I cannot envision any circumstance in which I’ll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How’s it gonna happen? I just don’t see how it could occur."
"Cartwright! Cartwright!"
"Hi George, I'm Raymond."
Technorati Tag: Seinfeld
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